Rex Ryan’s New Years Resolution: I’ll Commit to Being a Total Douchebag in ’12
NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) New York Jets Head Coach Rex Ryan enjoys playing outside the rules. Last year’s foot fetish video he made with his wife Michelle became the rage on YouTube – but that’s old news. Ryan admitted he only was displaying the tip of the iceberg when it comes to his rapscallion-like ways.
“I’ve been a little bit of a douchebag the last couple of seasons,” said Ryan. “In 2012 I plan to devote myself to becoming a total douchebag.”
There are several distinctions douche baggery has compared to its counterparts like being a total ass or a total dick. Douchebags almost always have a higher IQ than a total ass or total dick and especially the garden variety total asshole. Veteran douchebags can often hide their douche bagginess, displaying a gregarious, engaging, fun demeanor which can lull the unsuspecting victim into a state of unguarded trust. Then, the douchebag will unleash his douche bagitude with unexpected, lightning quick speed. The result is a dazed media corp shaking its collective head. A series of emotions quickly follow; confusion, shock, anger, pity, anger again, a little more confusion, then a unified chant of “what a total, fuckin’ douchebag” as they exit the media room.
“Yep. I really hope to live up to the lofty goals I have set for myself,” added the 49 year old son of former coach Buddy Ryan. “My dad was very popular in Philadelphia, but those closest to him knew he was a total douchebag, though he was never officially crowned a total douchebag. I’d like to get one up on Daddy.”