A TSD Classique: Giant, Mutated John Stockton Emerges from Japanese Forest; Vows Return to NBA





Heavy D. Mutated John Stockton displays defensive style he plans on bringing back to the NBA.


NEAR MOUNT FUJI, JAPAN (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Known as one of the greatest point guards in NBA history, not much has been heard from former Utah Jazz great John Stockton since his 2003 retirement. That is until yesterday, when the once 6’1’’ player emerged from the dreaded Aokigahara forest at the base of Mount Fuji a stunning seventy feet tall.

“What’s happened to him? Jesus Howard Christ! What in God’s name has happened to him?” said Rick Adams, an American scientist studying fossils in Hokkaido. “Perhaps it’s some kind of Napoleon Complex thing. I know he was short, but talk about overcompensating. And those teeth.”

Hundreds of villagers from nearby Gotemba scurried into the streets as small homes were crushed under the weight of Stockton’s massive feet.

Stockton entered Aokigahara, the forest known for being cursed and the “go to” place for suicides, one week ago.

“I saw this glowing thing on the second day.” the ten time all-star said. “Then suddenly I was unconscious. I woke up several hours later looking like this. I’ve subsisted on large game I kill with my bare hands…actually I pluck them like berries. The wild boar and armadillos are delicious. So, anyhoo…I really think I can make a difference on an NBA team.”

The Golden State Warriors have expressed interest in Stockton and his new found height.

Stockton added “I hope I pass the physical, and that these toxic levels of radiation I ooze won’t be a big deal.”



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