Class Clown Leads Basketball Team to District Championship


Clown Throws it Down. Class Clown, Anthony Gorbis is a powerhouse center and a laughs getter.

WESTON, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Anthony Gorbis, an 18 year old senior at Coconut Tech, poured in 32 points last night as his Coladas rolled over the Lincoln High School Pioneers 81-66 to win the Tri-County district championship.

Gorbis, long known as the class clown, has been at odds with his coaches, teammates and even the Florida Interscholastic Athletic Association (FIAA), for squirting seltzer in the eyes of opponents, throwing pies in the face of opposing coaches, and coming out for warmups naked.

“He’s a real class clown,” said former Coconut Tech shooting guard, Bobby Larabee, the team’s all-time leading scorer, now 44. “I try to make all the games, and you just never know what this kid’s gonna do.”

“It’s not often you see the best athlete in school also be such a cut up,” said sports psychologist, Dr. Constantine Kyriazis. “I’ve been observing Anthony since his sophomore year, when he dropped 26 on Shula Prep while wearing a thong. It’s clearly a cry for attention, but I don’t care what you say, this motherfucker’s funny.”

But a group of parents don’t see the humor in Gorbis‘ act.

“Basketball and humor just don’t mix,” said Tara Schmitt, whose son, Carter is the team’s starting small forward. “I’m not laughing and neither are the rest of the parents of the players on this team. Seltzer is meant to be drunk, not sprayed. And pies are meant to be eaten. There are starving children in France.”

When told that France hasn’t had a hunger problem since early in World War II, Schmitt said, “Well, whatever…one of those countries over there in England.”

Gorbis is entertaining offers from several Division One schools and Clyde Beatty.


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