After Stunning Loss, Clay Matthews Gets Dick Caught in Meat Slicer At Post Game Dinner
GREEN BAY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) If things weren’t bad enough for the Green Bay Packers, now this. First, their perfect season went awry with a loss to the Kansas City Chiefs, then offensive coordinator Joe Philbin’s son drowned, next came Sunday’s stunning 37-20 shellacking at the hands of the New York Giants in the NFC Divisional game. Finally, just twenty-three minutes after walking off the field, a despondent Clay Matthews was standing naked in front of the post game spread as table attendant Marc Kostyiak was thinly shaving slices of pork. That’s when Matthews caught his penis in the meat slicer.
An upset Kostyiak apologized to Matthews.
“I realize now that Mr. Matthews was merely trying to bring a little levity to a dispirited room by playfully dropping his Johnson into my slicer.” the 46 year old food service professional said. “I’m so sorry I didn’t make the distinction between his member and a piece of tenderloin – that is until blood spewed everywhere.”
“It’s smarts a little.” said Matthews. “I walk around the locker room naked and pull pranks like these all the time. I’ve caught my dick in everything in this place. But as they say, ‘I guess it’s not a humiliating loss till someone gets their cock in a slicer.’”
Team doctor, Patrick McKenzie, MD said his staff will attempt to reattach the All Pro linebacker’s penis Monday afternoon.
“We’ve been keeping the severed section chilled at 42 degrees along with some sauerkraut and pickles.” said McKenzie. “I’m hopeful.”