Boy Goes Swimming Five Minutes after Eating; Dozens of Parents Outraged
FORT LAUDERDALE (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Nine year old Tyler Miller is like most South Florida kids, he appreciates the fact that the abundant sunshine and warm temperatures allow him to play sports outside all year, including plenty of pool time. And although Tyler is no stranger to the old adage “you must wait half an hour before going swimming after eating,” it sure didn’t stop him – or his mom Karen.
The boy, who had enjoyed a cheeseburger, fries, a tall glass of chocolate milk and three of his five year old sister Ashley’s leftover chicken nuggets, dove into the community pool at Tropical Cove Estates in Fort Lauderdale almost immediately after eating. “He would have gone in sooner, except he misplaced his goggles,” Karen Miller stated boldly, flying in the face of traditional motherly wisdom. “What’s the worst that can happen? He gets a cramp, I dive in and pull him out, no big whoop.”
But dozens of parents were appalled by Karen Miller’s carefree attitude. Sylvia Rosengarten in particular felt the Millers were showing her up.
“I have a six, eight and eleven year old and they’re chomping at the bit to go in after eating,” complained the 38 year old school teacher. “Meanwhile this little bastard is splashing around taunting and teasing my eight year old son Logan to jump in, telling him he just ate a cheeseburger and he’s having the time of his life. The little fucker. I hope his heart seizes up and he drowns – with all due respect of course.”
“This has been an issue with parents, especially moms, from time in memorial,” said clinical psychologist Arthur Mehdi. “Ever since little Billy Astor drowned seventeen minutes after eating a fried fish sandwich in 1923, people have debated whether swimming right after eating is such a good idea. The truth is, none of us know. Digestion is a largely unexplored world. Take Olympic champion Michael Phelps for example. He claims he’s been in the pool while eating – probably even dumped in his trunks his while doing laps. Never hurt him.”