From the Archives: Jerry Sandusky’s Private Paterno Eulogy Impresses Roman Polanski



The Sandy Man Can. Jerry Sandusky eulogizes JoePa in his own special way.

STATE COLLEGE, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Embattled former Penn State assistant coach and accused child molester, Jerry Sandusky eulogized legendary head coach Joe Paterno yesterday in a private ceremony from his backyard seen on closed circuit television by a selected group of relatives and friends, including iconic film director, Roman Polanski.

“Bravo!” said Polanski, himself guilty of a 1977 sexual assault case involving a minor. “Though there was the consistent yet wobbly, full blown denial of his crimes, he was still able to construct a moving, albeit disjointed reflection of his boss’s motivational prowess in a sort of dull, trembling monotone that stands shoulder to shoulder with any of Gary Glitter’s ersatz ramblings. His awkward, unsteadiness is a true revelation, and I’d like to share it with the world in my next film.”

Afterward, Sandusky refused to speak with reporters and returned inside under house arrest. He retired to his den and planned on eating some wings while watching Polanski’s 1966 film, Cul-de-sac.

For the record, Polanki is a Pitt fan.



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