Red Sox Test Small Nuclear Device at Spring Training Site
FORT MYERS, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In their continual effort to keep up with their chief rival, New York Yankees, the Boston Red Sox successfully detonated a small nuclear device yesterday at their spring training facility in Fort Myers.
“It seemed to go off without a hitch. We’re thrilled.” said Red Sox principal owner, John Henry. “However, I am concerned a bit about the three flying cigar-shaped discs that hovered around the facility for nearly twenty minutes after the explosion. They suddenly darted away at incomprehensible speeds. It was either a scouting mission from the NGC-4414 galaxy or the Steinbrenners are up to something.”
The bomb was of the tactical variety and only destroyed a small area. The outfield fence will need to be repaired. Sadly, Cameron Glick, the famous hard of hearing hotdog vendor, accidentally wandered into the test area, and was vaporized.
The Baltimore Orioles condemned the test in a strong letter to the Boston Globe. Almost immediately after the letter was published, the baseball commissioner’s office launched an inquiry into the explosion.
“We want to get all the facts,” said Commissioner Bud Selig. “But, I have a sneaking suspicion the threat of exploding small nuclear weapons to prevent a stolen base, or a message pitch, isn’t in the best interest of the game.”