Astronomers Confirm CC Sabathia Is Moving One Quarter Inch Per Year
NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Astronomers from the Palomar Observatory astro-physics lab located at the California Institute of Technology have discovered that New York Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia is moving one quarter inch per year, confirming the find yesterday afternoon. Bogged down by an ever expanding belly an insatiable appetite for carbohydrates, Sabbathia has been rumored to have moved in the past.
“Though undetectable with the naked eye, we can confirm that Mr. Sabathia is actually moving.” said Dr. Conrad Dimler. “I would describe his movement as glacial, but that would be an insult to glaciers. Bottom line, we’re talking about a very large human being with exceptionally slow locomotion – about a quarter inch over a twelve month cycle. We feel that if he were to shed say, twelve metric tons, we may see a noticeable increase in movement. We’re observing his polar caps next.”
Yankees manager Joe Girardi was thrilled to learn Sabathia is in motion.
“Just knowing that, means he may be able to take advantage of his incentive laden contract.” said the Bronx Bombers skipper.
The astro-physics team at Palomar has tracked large athletes in the past and confirmed movement. In 1997 pitcher David Wells moved nearly a half inch during a seventeen month period, and just last year, NBA power forward, Glen “Big Baby” Davis rotated from left to right causing a reportable tidal swell of nearly two feet near the Cayman Islands.