Creepy Dummy Freaking Out Marlins’ Bullpen Pitchers


Dummy Up. When Willy is around, pitchers pay attention.

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The National League East might not have a clear favorite, but one thing is certain, only the Marlins must endure the unyielding, horrific glare of Willy, the abandoned dummy in seat 18, row, 3, section 13 at Marlins Park.

“Somehow that dummy just finds it’s way into that seat day after day.” said Marlins hurler Kevin Slowey. “It stares at you. You feel it watching you. Then, suddenly it’s gone and reappears in different parts of the park – that evil grin and unblinking eyes fixated on you. Christ all mighty! Make it stop.”

Willy was seen at the park when the Marlins opened up the stadium to visiting fans. Initially the seat he favors was occupied by Tomas Alejandro, 44, of Hialeah, who was taking in the warmups with his friend Rocco Voulas. Alejandro was then found by a condiment stand dead and clutching a hot dog, face down in a pool of his own blood. The smiling Willy was then seen in Alejandro’s seat staring down pitcher Michael Dunn as he was warming up.

“That little bastard throws me off my game.” shouted Dunn. “I want that thing outta here!”

Dunn reported later that the brakes on his Chevy Silverado had been tampered with, and a small shoe, about the size that would fit on a dummy, was found a few feet away.




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