Chris Berman Named Most Annoying Sports Figure in His Own House
BRISTOL, CT. (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Chris Berman, longtime ESPN TV personality, is widely regarded as a knowledgeable sports broadcaster, but perhaps one of the most grating with his calls of “it could go…all…the…way” and “back, back, back.”
Fans have often complained of Berman’s histrionics, but according to Berman family members, the fans are the lucky ones.
“Chris is a genuine pain in the ass at home,” says wife Kathy. “ESPN viewers can turn him off whenever they damn well please. Can you imagine having to live with this crap all day long? The incessant play-by-play coverage of me cooking and dusting is maddening. Every move I make is under constant scrutiny. The problem is he’s always working; that is, he’s in work mode 24/7. He breaks out the stats for everything that goes on in the house. Day in, day out, it’s the old ‘Here comes Kathy around the sofa with a feather duster, meanwhile a pot of Grandma Edith’s famous vegetable soup percolates in the kitchen on this blustery day in the northeast.’ I mean, holy shit Chris, give it a fuckin’ rest. At this point, my options are divorce, suicide, or murder. And not necessarily in that order.”
A recent poll on rival FOX Sports listed Berman in the top three most annoying sports broadcasters. Viewers have commented that his over the top calls of routine plays are particularly agitating.
Forty-eight year old Stan Slavish of Glen Lyon, Pennsylvania is an avid ESPN viewer, but says when Berman comes on he’s given to seizures.
“I’m on medication now,” said Slavish. “That’s what I’ve been reduced to – an on edge heap of nerves in a recliner. And it’s all because of that prick Berman with his nicknames for everyone. Look, they were cute once, but this fucker is milking it to death. I mean, Correll Buckhalter Skalter?? Are you kidding me? It’s about as endearing as killing a newborn puppy.”