Teammates Stunned to Learn Pitcher Brett Myers Enjoys Reading

 

 

 

Curveball. Brett Myers certainly threw his teammates a big old hook.

 

 

GLENDALE, AZ (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As spring training gets underway, Chicago White Sox pitcher Brett Myers decided to tell teammates in a teary confession that he enjoys reading lengthy novels, sometimes two or three at a time.

“Fellas, I’d like to share something with you all.” Myers said, speaking above the din of the locker room, his voice unsteady and his eyes welling up with emotion.

“The foul-mouthed, tobacco spitting, truck driving, gun toting, Jesus loving, abusive, self serving, asshole you’ve always thought I was has another face.” Myers continued. “You see gentlemen, I enjoy…reading. Novels mostly, non-fiction, some occasional periodicals, and the essays of Anzia Yezierska. Of course, I will remain a foul-mouthed, tobacco spitting, truck driving, gun toting, Jesus loving, abusive, self serving, asshole. Now, carry on.”

Teammates were shocked.

“Well, this belies everything I’ve always thought about Brett,” said teammate Gavin Floyd. “I mean, I’ve seen him look at Juggs® and Fine Ass® magazines and shit, but when he said he’s read (Norman) Mailer’s The Naked and the Dead, and Annie Dillard’s Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, in the past month or so, it really was a stunner.”

Others saw an opportunity.

“Now that he’s on this kick, may be he’ll give me his stash of Juggs® and Fine Ass® magazines.” said outfielder Jordan Danks.

The White Sox open the regular season on Monday, April 1 when they host the Kansas City Royals, allowing Myers just enough time to finish Joseph Campbell’s The Head With a Thousand Faces.

 

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