Dodger Dog Vendor Blamed for Most of LA’s Heart Disease
LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — The Dodger Dog – a simple frankfurter in a bun that is widely regarded as the very best in major league baseball, is as much a piece of Los Angeles Dodgers history as a Maury Wills stolen base or a Sandy Koufax strikeout. Hot dog vendor Phil Ferraro has been working the field box level at Dodger Stadium since the early seventies. He estimates he’s personally sold over nine-hundred thousand Dodger Dogs and is quickly approaching the one million mark. “That’s a helluva lotta cholesterol,” the fifty-nine year old wiener jockey said. “I look at these people on the aisle ordering three dogs for the fat guy in seat 12 and think to myself, ‘this poor bastard’s gonna be dead before the fifth inning.’ But as much as it pains me to contribute to their inevitable heart disease, I do derive a guilty pleasure from seeing their faces light up when they take that first bite – the mustard, relish and dog juice dripping down their double chins. ”
Phil Ferraro has drawn the ire of a Los Angeles based special interest group, Death Dogs, who call him the most visible proponent of heart disease mongering. “He’s impossible not to spot,” says Marsha Williams, Death Dogs’ Communications Director. “It all seems so innocent – wearing his Groucho Marx plastic big nose, moustache, and glasses and that water squirting flower on his lapel stalking the rows and rows of the great unwashed who want only to enjoy a Brad Penny pitching performance or maybe grab a foul ball. But then he fans the aroma of his wiennies in their direction calling out ‘hot dogs, get yer hot dogs here’ and then it starts ‘we’ll take two, let’s have five here.’ Oh, you can just hear the ca-ching ca-ching of the cash register mixed with a chorus of heart monitors as their arteries clog up like the shower drain at a Motel 6.”
Though apparently extremely delicious, a steady diet of Dodger Dogs can reduce the healthiest person to a lethargic, overweight cardiac patient waiting to happen. And in fashionable LA, a haven for the health conscious, the increase in death from heart attacks is increasing. But should Phil Ferraro be blamed for this trend? Consider each ten inch frankfurter has eight-hundred and sixty milligrams of sodium, forty-five milligrams of cholesterol, and eight grams of saturated fat. Still, so popular is this ballpark favorite that it’s even available at other Southern California locations and in most supermarkets – far away from Ferraro’s influence.
Dr. Frank Hall, a cardiologist in Riverside, California occasionally makes the trek to Chavez Ravine to see his beloved boys in blue and even partakes in an occasional Dodger Dog. “I’ve done studies,” the forty-eight year old Hall said. “I’ve come to the conclusion that a hot dog can significantly expedite the onset of severe cardio-vascular disease and Type Two Diabetes. That said, ‘Hey Phil, I’ll take two with onions, kraut, and mustard.’”
Tags: Los Angeles Dodgers