James Harden Admits to Being Lost Smith Brother

Ahem. A truly Hardened cough.

HOUSTON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) His unconventional facial hair often overshadows his play, which is why the announcement made late last night isn’t the stunner he thought it would be. Houston Rockets guard James Harden is indeed the long lost brother of William and Andrew Smith, purveyors of the celebrated cherry throat lozenge.

“Ahh…now it all makes sense.” said former Oklahoma Thunder teammate Kevin Durant. “I just couldn’t understand why all the references to ‘those fucking Ludens.’” 

Sadly for Harden, he was forced into falling back on a career in the NBA when it became apparent that the once powerful cough drop empire his older brothers founded had been reduced to a boutique off brand; a mere curiosity for nostalgia buffs seeking something to suck on.

Harden claims his carton of cherry cough drops helped him through his concussion and even eased the psychological pain getting elbowed viciously by a guy with the last name of Peace.

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