Phillies Set to Freak Out Nats and Their Fans With Machete Giveaway
PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Gearing up for game two of a mid week series might seems ho hum. Unless that is, if you’re in Philadelphia where you can expect boundless energy; Perhaps more than the Washington Nationals and a few visiting fans making the trek up I-95 to the City of Brotherly Love are accustomed to. The Nats and their relatively laid back, casual fans, were told to prepare for the onslaught of the classic Philadelphia sports fan – the crazed, passionate fanatics who in the past have been able to rattle pitchers off the mound with booing and yelling.
Apparently the Phillies and their fans have something extra special in store for the team from nation’s capital.
For the third time this season, the team will give each paying fan a fourteen inch razor sharp machete to swing and wave throughout the game.
“Man, do I love the machete giveaway,” said Gus Kyriazis of Upper Darby. “Nothing unnerves a third baseman more than having to step over a severed head to catch a pop fly.”
When the Phillies players found out the team was planning the giveaway, it all but guaranteed a series win, despite Monday night’s frustrating loss.
“They’re giving away the machetes again?” said an amped up Shane Victorino. “Outstanding. Baseball players are pretty superstitious. I’m no different. They had three machete giveaways this season, and we won all three times – the last time on a forfeit.”
Word spread among Phillies players about the promotion during the Cubs series.
“The beauty part about the machete giveaway is the color red,” said Phils’ shortstop Jimmy Rollins. “The fans’ hats and shirts are Phillie red, and the endless pools of blood and sheared off limbs are Phillie red too. I don’t care who you are, if you’re an opposing player, that shit’s gonna fuck you up really nice. The smell by the seventh inning gets pretty funky.”