Crusty, Old Bastard Hates College Football “Cuz of Dem College Boys”
CHELSEA, MA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Norbert McGillicuddy, a 60 year fixture among Boston area sea goers, hates this time of year. That’s when some of his younger, co-workers start talking about the upcoming college football season.
“I hate this crap,” seethed the peg-legged, 77 year old lobster fisherman. “Every year it’s the same thing – ‘Boston College this and Boston College that.’ Nothin’ but a bunch of entitled, rich college boys playin’ a kid’s game. Why don’t they go out an do some real man’s work, like battling a giant octopus or dippin’ yer mitts in a cauldron of boiling water yankin’ out freshly killed lobsters? Huh? Pansies, all of ‘em! What do I give a crap about two a days for? How about gettin’ up at 4AM in 20 degree weather and swabbin’ the deck knee deep in fish guts? I hope these young buttercups I work with understand the meaning of an honest days work.”
McGillicuddy has never seen a college football game in his life, either live or on TV.
“I don’t own a TV,” he added in his thick New England accent. “It rots your brain from the inside out. You turn into a shell of a man watching the flickering pictures. I say pick up a book, preferably a good sea goin’ yarn about a whaler or something, eat a heartly bowl of chowder, then pay for sex with a professional who won’t follow ya home nights. Boston College my ass!”