Bill Clinton Gives Clinic at Politics Camp; Gets Roughed Up in Volatile Q&A
WASHINGTON, DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — For politically obsessed youngsters, scenic Camp Potomac is eight weeks of pure heaven. The sprawling grounds occupy the entire eighth floor of an office building in downtown Washington where cherub-faced campers get to spend all day rubbing shoulders with politicians and political operatives, learning the ins and outs of running winning campaigns with nary a break for softball, tetherball, free swim or any of the other distractions associated with the standard summer camp experience.
Campers from across the political spectrum eagerly awaited the arrival of former President Bill Clinton, who was scheduled to give a one hour talk followed by a three-hour “skills” clinic in the building’s fully-equipped basement gym. However, Clinton’s visit took an ugly turn when an especially overbearing thirteen-year old asked who he thought would win a hypothetical eight state “super” primary if they were to run it right then and there – Barack Obama, or the maestro himself, Bill Clinton, whose favorability rating has inched up with each day he’s not linked with Ron Burkle or some super-rich playa with a private jet.
“Good question young man,” replied Clinton. “You remind me of me when I was a thirteen year old sweet-talking nerd in fat boy pants – man, looking back I must have been one obnoxious little SOB.” Nervous laughter filled the conference room. “I assume the eight states include Florida, California, Texas, Pennsylvania, Ohio Illinois, New Jersey and Arkansas. “The politically astute youngsters roared at the President’s playful inclusion of his home state. “In my prime? No contest. Today?” Clinton’s eyes narrowed, his face turning a deep shade of pink. “Give me three weeks to put a team together and we’d eat the President’s lunch – not to mention dinner, desert and mid-night snack.”
For several minutes, hisses and boos vied with approving hoots and rhythmic chants of “Bill, Bill, Bill,” as the atmosphere turned bitterly partisan. Camp director Tony Coehlo, the former Congressman and senior campaign adviser to Vice President Al Gore, tried channeling the partisan hostilities by announcing the onset of color war three days earlier than planned. He then smoothly moved the proceedings to the skills clinic where the former President showcased his still astonishing command of “the game.”
“Wow, anyone who thinks Clinton’s a has-been should have seen him work a rope line – dude’s got mad skills!” enthused Seth Green, a fourteen year old New Jersey native attending his first politics camp. “It’s like watching Jordan who you know can step onto the court tomorrow and drop 20. He’s got the whole package…it was awesome!”
For two hours Clinton schooled all comers with a dazzling demonstration of political theater, a bottomless well of on-demand corn pone, an unguardable array of syntactical hair-splitting, a highly effective complement of political power moves ranging from five alarm indignation to bitter accusation, and an encyclopedic command of arcane facts. However, not all those in attendance were impressed.
“Some of these kids are real talents, but let’s get real – three years ago most were still watching Nickelodeon and playing with their Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers,” said senior camp counselor Matt Brill, a Georgetown doctoral candidate in political economy. “Anyone who’s seen Bill Clinton back in the day knows he’s lost a step or three. To say he’d eat Obama’s lunch just goes to show how much he’s lost his touch – a guy that needed a security detail just to keep him at a safe distance from Big Mac attacks and bimbo eruptions shouldn’t be bringing attention to the size and assortment of his appetites.”