Class Jock Plans for Empty, Uneventful Life Six Years Down the Road



Jock Blocked. Most like nothing in store for pretty boy.

OIL CITY, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Oil City Senior High School’s Logan Van Horn, an all-star quarterback from last season, headed into his senior year with high expectations.

“The goal is to make the playoffs again.” said 5’9” pass thrower. “And for me to maintain a relationship with (head cheerleader) Colette Jansen. We’ve been going out since 9th grade.”

Van Horn, is generally regarded as an accurate passer with decent arm strength, but too small to play division one college football.

“What we’ve got here is the typical high school jock who’s enjoying his fifteen minutes of fame, local as it may be, and riding it for whatever it’s worth.” said Assistant Coach Glenn Connors. “You know how it goes. You peak early, then, not long after graduating, you’re stuck here driving a forklift down at the beer distributor after a failed attempt at a division three walk on. Then you marry Colleen or Corine or Colette, whatever the hell her name is, and rent an apartment on the north side of town and eat frozen dinners and watch reality TV all night. But until that day, I hope to see a lot of touchdowns from this kid.” 

Van Horn accepts his destiny.

“Yeah, I may have the movie star good looks and the hot girlfriend now.” lamented Van Horn. “But the guys in the chess club who think I’m a total asshole, will eventually turn out to be right about me. I’ll soon be forgotten when I’m relegated to reminiscing about the “old days” down at Tony’s Diner with no one in particular, and drowning my sorrows in a cup of coffee and Mabel’s blueberry pie. By the way, I also look to be just as insignificant in baseball and basketball.”


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