After Victory, European Poll Show Dallas Cowboys Only Slightly More Popular Than Mussolini
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Dallas Cowboys marched into enemy territory Wednesday night seeking revenge – and they got it. The Cowboys defeated the New York Giants 24-17 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. However, the squad that prides itself as America’s Team, learned shortly after the victory, that they may be the most hated sports team worldwide.
An informal poll conducted by the Europejska Akademia Sztuk school in Warsaw, Poland, determined Jerry Jones’ squad of NFLers is only 1.3% more popular than Benito Mussolini, the infamous Italian dictator and father of modern fascism.
“They’re contemptible.” said Jerzy Kutrzeba, a professor at the school. “We’ve all been witness to their narcissistic, conceited strutting about for decades. From the giant star that graces midfield and the ten gallon hats, to the Big Brotheresque, monolithic TV screen that dominates the stadium — their outstretched, overinflated, Texas sized, bravado without an ounce of humility, bristles through the air with unmistakable palpability suffocating those too weak to defend themselves with a choking miasma of good ol’ boy, hickory smoked, bar-b-que-infused dickishness. I saw more compassion at the Republican National Convention. No, wait…strike that.”
Kutrzeba recalls stories his parents told him about Mussolini.
“We’ve all seen the newsreels.” added Kutrzeba. “Mussolini’s speeches to cheering crowds during the early days of World War II had an unwavering swagger that many found in poor form, but he was one guy. This is an entire team that can’t seem to pull itself away from the mirror. That said, that was a pretty nice catch in the fourth quarter with impressive clock management.”
The Cowboys will invade Seattle on September 16, but not before a quick stopover in Brussels for some much deserved looting and pillaging.