Romney Says He’ll Repeal Washington Nationals
WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In an unexpected and brief campaign stopover, Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney told a group of undecided voters on Saturday that he would “absolutely repeal” the Washington Nationals baseball team if he wins the election next month.
“There’s enough spending in Washington.” Romney said. “Why throw dollars on heartbreak?”
“The proclamation received virtually no reaction, save a few shrugged shoulders amid a palpable malaise.” said Larry Crosby, a small business owner from nearby Bethesda, Maryland. “People are still walking around in a fog after Friday’s devastating Game 5 loss to the (St. Louis) Cardinals. Most of us would love to have some lunatic with spittle dripping from his chin, step out of that fog with a rusty knife and plunge it into our barely beating hearts and just finish the job. Romney saying he’ll repeal the team might swing my vote over to him.”
Many of the Nationals’ players claim they’d welcome the repeal.
“Repeal?” said Nats’ right fielder, Jayson Werth. “Yeah, I could kinda go for that right now. I’ve got enough money. The last thing I want to do is go through this bullshit again. Let’s wipe the slate clean, and rocket us into oblivion.”
The Nationals enjoyed a 6-0 lead in the early innings of the deciding game on Friday, only to watch the defending world champion Cardinals peck away and ultimately stage an improbable comeback against Nationals closer, Drew Storen in the 9th inning.
“To have never existed…” contemplated Storen. “That’s a tempting notion. Of course we can’t change history – but we can change the future. Personally, I’d love it if they’d repeal my ass.”
Fans in Washington hope it’ll be more than just Storen’s ass.