“Rosie” Latest Victim of the Saint’s Bounty Scandal
NEW ORLEANS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) – It doesn’t matter that Rosie the Waitress has been gone since 1990. In the latest twist to an already sad and embarrassing situation, Roger Goodell on Friday declared that Rosie was responsible for the popularity of the term “Bounty” that has been allegedly used by various players and coaches with the New Orleans Saints.
According to the indictment, “Rosie the Waitress, a mainstay on American television for several decades is as much responsible for the bounty scandal as anyone else. Since Rosie is no longer with us, she will be posthumously tried in absentia.”
“I never heard of Rosie, but I’ll be damned if I am going down for her crimes” said a puzzled, yet guilty looking Jonathan Vilma. When explained who Rosie was, he was even more perplexed, proclaiming that he never even uses paper-towels, opting for napkins instead. “I use napkins for everything. Everything! Oh, one last thing,” added Vilma. “This Rosie…was she hot?”
After announcing the indictment, Roger Goodell, who accidently kicked over his cup of coffee asked a member of the press if anyone had anything to clean it up. Upon being handed a sheet of Bounty, Mr. Goodell refused stating that any use of the “quickerpick’erupper” was now officially banned from use by the NFL.
The Estate of Nancy Walker had no comment.