Dan Marino Grows Record Size Mole Just to Spite Drew Brees

Personal Growth. Dan Marino isn't playing games.

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) At the time of his retirement, Dan Marino sat atop a towering mountain of NFL quarterbacking records. Over the years, those records have been topped at the hands of such stalwarts as Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, and most recently, Drew Brees.

The New Orleans Saints pass thrower in particular has been a thorn in Marino’s side.

“Look folks, I know records are meant to be broken and all, but that little fucker is starting to piss me off.” Marino barked on the 12th tee box at Weston, Florida’s exclusive Rio Rancho Golf Club. “So therefore, I want everyone to know today, I’m officially serving notice.” 

With that, Marino ripped a four inch long, three inch wide surgical bandage from his face to reveal a freshly grown, horrifically grotesque, glowing mole.

“I’ve got the full Aaron Neville looking Milk Dud® that far surpasses that low rent shit Brees was sporting.” cackled Marino.

Many in Marino’s inner circle were stunned.

“I thought he’d cut himself shaving.” quipped former teammate and longtime friend, Mark Duper. “Then I saw it. Danny means business. Damn, that’s one ugly ass, pulsating, nuclear powered, motherfuckin’ nodule. Brees ain’t got nothin’ on that shit!”

Brees, who recently had his mole removed, was unavailable for comment, but was seen consulting with Swiss scientists and two writers from the Marvel Comics Group.

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