From the Archives: Another Paper Football Player Concussed; League to Investigate

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Roughing the Flicker. Paper champions getting hurt.

ROCKVILLE, MD (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service)  Jimmy Hantzes enjoys playing paper football with his buddies during study hall at Robert F. Kennedy Middle School. This kind of activity has been going on for decades.  However, there’s an increasingly disturbing trend as the sport has evolved – career threatening injuries. Since one of the game’s great pioneers, Larry Bynon lost his eye a few years ago, a startling number of injuries have occurred.

Now, Hantzes has taken a field goal attempt off the skull and is paying dearly. The hard hit has resulted in a concussion. 

“Yeah, Charlie Coolbaugh flicked what amounted to be a scaled down 33 yarder off my forehead.” mumbled the groggy Hantzes. “Hurt like a motherfucker. Now I can’t remember if Columbus commandeered the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria or came over on the Mayflower. And I’ve got history class next period.”

It appears the Paper Football League will step in to investigate to determine whether a study is warranted to cut down on what it describes as “incidents.”

“This is basically a safe sport.” said PFL spokesperson, Maria Kramer. “But there’s risk in every recreational activity people do. I understand a student teacher accidentally hanged herself in 5th period macrame club.”

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