Bobby Cofski to Begin Third Month of Baseball Withdrawal

Estate of Depression. The palatial grounds of the long suffering Bobby Cofski await the master’s return from the brink.

SOUTH FLORIDA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Holed up in an undisclosed location in South Florida, transplanted Philadelphia sports fan, Bobby Cofski is said to be clinging to life in an advanced state of depression brought on by severe baseball withdrawal.

“It’s been two months without baseball.” said clinical sports psychologist, Archibald Fleem. “We’d hoped the unexpected improvement of the Philadelphia Eagles might help, but it appears to be too late. We’re showing him old photos of (former Phillies outfielder) Bake McBride, but he merely shrugs his shoulders, stares blankly and dribbles into a cup.” 

Cofski, a staunch Republican, is eligible to take advantage of experimental drugs that have shown positive results for such conditions, but refuses because it “smacks of social medicine.”

“He refuses treatment purely based on his political leanings.” added Fleem. “So we’re going to try Swedish hookers next, which he’ll pay for out of pocket.”




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