“Things Explained” to Orb By Rocco Gugotz After Preakness Loss

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A Hearse for the Horse? Bet on it, if Orb doesn’t follow orders at Belmont.

BALTIMORE (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) A lot of people were hoping to see the first Triple Crown winner for the first time in 35 years. It didn’t happen. Orb, winner of the Kentucky Derby two weeks ago was unable to capture the second leg of horse racing’s top honor when he came in fourth at the Preakness. With Oxbow victorious, a lot of people lost money.

Micinelli Crime Family member, Rocco “The Agonizer” Gugotz (AKA Rocco the Cleaver, Jimmy Balls, The Creeping Flesh, Mindfucker) visited Orb in his stable three hours after the race as the thoroughbred was dining on some oats and a ’58 Cote de Nuits Villages Etoile. 

“I explained things to him.” said Gugotz. “We needed him to win that race, but now we’re gonna need him to place in the Belmont Stakes, ‘cuz a lot of folks need to make some money back due to his first misunderstanding. I think he grasped what I was saying this time as I put his balls in a vice, while Angelo Calabrese, the Director of Sales for Elmer’s Glue®, stood in the shadows taking long drags on a hand rolled cigarette as the strains of Jerry Vale’s immortal Non Dimenticar was playing in the background.”

Orb announced through his publicist he regrets the misunderstanding.

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