Sergio Garcia to Insult Dozens of International Golfers by Serving Them Cultural Cuisine

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How’s Yer Foot Taste? Sergio Garcia plans to make amends.

LONDON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) On the heels of his insensitive remark about serving fried chicken to Tiger Woods, fellow PGA pro, Sergio Garcia not only apologized to the world’s number one golfer, but wanted to show good faith.

“I’m really sorry if I offended Tiger.” Garcia said. “And to show I mean business, I plan on equally offending other golfers. I’m kicking things off by making Surströmming for Henrik Stenson, Boxty for Rory McIlroy and Bangers and Mash for Justin Rose.”

Stenson was not amused. 

“What a smart ass.” barked the 42nd world-ranked golfer from Sweden. “Just because I’m from Gothenburg, he assumes I’m down with Surströmming? Fuck that shit! I find it offensive. Granted, I actually do kinda dig Surströmming. But I if I’m gonna eat it, I want it made by someone from my country. If I want Gazpacho, I’ll ask Sergio for the recipe. Wait, maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Shit. Please, wait. Don’t print that. What I meant to say was if I want traditional, cultural cuisine from a certain region, I’d defer to people from that region as the experts with all due respect. If I want Moussaka, I’ll consult a Greek, or if I want Crème brûlée, I’ll ask someone who’s French. That’s cool, right? Dammit! Someone, explain this to me. There’s this little pizza joint near my home, but the proprietors are Turkish. It’s a little weird. Should I be cool with that? Should I just assume their pizza is as authentic as it would be if it was made by some dude named Luigi? Wait, Luigi’s a little too stereotypical. I should not have said that. Good Christ. Have I really dug myself into a hole, or what? I’m going away now for a long, long time.”

Garcia received second degree burns while preparing Tom yam kung nam khon for Thailand’s top golfer Thongchai Jaidee.

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