Bolivia Says It Will Grant Asylum to Aaron Hernandez
Venezuela and Nicaragua Also in Asylum Bidding War
LA PAZ (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Denouncing the United States’ refusal to drop charges against former New England Patriot Aaron Hernandez, Bolivia said it will grant asylum to the former All-Pro.
“He’s a fine athlete. I’m sure he’ll learn the nuances of fútbol.” said Bolivian President, Evo Morales. “Besides, who better to settle a score between enraged fans?”
Hernandez, was arrested in connection with multiple gun-related charges including three murders.
Hernandez has found it difficult to get to Bolivia, since his current place of residence is the Bristol County Jail.
“Umm…yeah…I don’t have too many friends in the room, as they say.” quipped the 6’1” tight end. “But Bolivia sounds nice. I’ve seen it in movies. I’ll get there.”
In a related story, due to Hernandez’ legal woes, EA Sports had to reconfigure his likeness in both their NCAA Football 14 and Madden NFL 25 video games, as he’s now depicted wearing a sidearm.