Andy Reid Purportedly Has Near Life Experience

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Life Reidings? Apparently there’s something happening.

KANSAS CITY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Kansas City Chiefs Head Coach, Andy Reid unquestionably got his team off to a great start this season, but two losses to the division leading Denver Broncos over the last three weeks may have hastened an extremely unusual occurrence that may be both physiological and paranormal.

“It appears the coach had a near life experience.” said Chiefs General Manager, John Dorsey. “We consider this a positive since no one has been able to get a pulse from him since 2008.”

Unlike a near death experience, where a person might have the not uncommon sense of crossing over to another dimension which some religious believers say could be an afterlife, the near life experience is infinitely more rare.

“In Coach Reid’s case, I think we’re dealing with a guy who’s kind of listless, lifeless and dead inside having an anatomical, life changing event where the body’s senses suddenly and inexplicably come online.” said Dr. Tamara Barnes, clinical psychologist from Kansas City’s famed Bendix Institute. “Understand, this isn’t like suddenly being slapped with a dose of reality – we all experience that. This is more Andy smelling, seeing and hearing after a lifetime existing in a sort of cerebral nothingness. I’m sure it’s come as a shock to him.”

Reid will be observed most of Monday and Tuesday by a team of doctors. They’ll place simple objects in front of him like an apple, a chair, and a pencil in the hopes he’ll be able to identify them. Should that be successful, the team will bring in strippers.

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