Giant Crab Emerges From Pacific and Does Battle With Blake Griffin
LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It’s been over four years since the Fukishima Nuclear Plant disaster, but reports of mutated, mammoth sized (but very dead) sea creatures washing up on the California coast linger.
Others claim the incidents are flat out hoaxes or at the very least, overly hyped tales of much lesser events. But even the most skeptical of critics scratched their collective head when a creature some Japanese islanders call Ebhira, emerged near Redondo Beach late yesterday afternoon. The nearly twenty story high crab surfaced in the churning waters and made a direct path for the Staples Center where the LA Clippers call home.
“He seemed a tad pissed off and called out (Clippers Power Forward) Blake Griffin while he was practicing foul shots.” said Studio City based scientist, Teddy Cockspin. “The two then engaged in a horrific battle that included many explosions, cool sound effects, an authentic Akira Ifukube musical score, and poorly executed and clearly stereotypical Pan-Asian dubbing that culminated with Griffin’s victory near the Donut Prince on Olive Avenue in Burbank.”
Griffin eventually wore out the mega crab due to his obviously superior conditioning.
“My mom always told me to eat my vegetables, play outside and get plenty of rest.” said an exhausted and relieved Griffin. “So kids, if a giant, mutated Japanese crab wants to fight you, give them fair warning that you ate your vegetables.”