World Champ Magnus Carlsen Suffers Career Threatening Chess Injury
OSLO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Two minutes and thirty-four seconds into his exhibition match with the world’s 3rd ranked player, Vladimir Kramnik of Russia, the reigning world chess champion, Sven Magnus Øen Carlsen of Norway, tore several tendons while utilizing the famed La Boursonnais Maneuver. Initially, he played through the injury, but it was evident when he tried castling, something had gone horribly amiss.
“He let out a loud grunt, at first thought to be some sort of rarely employed Scandinavian gamesmanship, but it became obvious he was in excruciating pain.” said Salvatore “The Wrench” Brutico, Italy’s top ranked player.
Carlsen pushed away from the chessboard, grabbed his jacket and stumbled out the door before collapsing in the parking lot, while stunned onlookers screwed up the courage to offer polite applause.
“This could be a devastating loss for the game.” said World Chess Federation spokesman, Constantinos Kyriazissimos, from the organization’s headquarters in Athens. “This is the same injury that ended the careers of Harry Nelson Pillsbury and Kurban Khanov. Granted, medicine has advanced significantly since those days, but I’ve seen guys go the way of the knife after a simple Kasparov Gambit — the La Boursonnais Maneuver is a motherfucker of an injury to come back from.”
The 24 year old Carlsen has only been World Champion since November of 2013, but experts predicted a long, unprecedented hold on the top spot.
Carlsen was seen recuperating in a chalet outside Zurich with two Swiss Air flight attendants, sitting fireside on large bearskin rugs, enjoying caviar and sipping Baron de Lustrac Bas Armagnac Domaine de Croix de Pelanne Cepage Bacco 1980. Later today, he hopes to repel off the North Face of the Ober Gabelhorn.