Monsanto Grows Mutated Cowboys in North Texas Immediately After Loss to Philly

Garden Party. Horace and Bernice Lovecraft tend over their garden of “near ready” Cowboys.

IRVING, TX (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In a neck and neck game that took overtime to decide, the Philadelphia Eagles defeated the Dallas Cowboys 33-27 behind the surprisingly solid performance of quarterback, Sam Bradford.

Immediately after the loss, Cowboys owner, Jerry Jones, gave the green light to the Monsanto Corporation to begin harvesting a mutated strain of instant players to be funneled in and out of the Cowboys’ roster at their own discretion. The player garden was at an undisclosed, but heavily fortified location about twenty miles west of the stadium.

“This is just something we do,” Jones chimed, the blood dripping down his chin, while dining on his traditional post-game meal of bald eagle and tannis root steamed over a cauldron of children’s tears. “Um, yeah…I don’t take losing very well, and so next week we’ll see an entirely different bunch of fellas out there. I love how Monsanto is always at the ready with a horrific, pastiche of genetic stew. It really keeps the competition scrambling.”

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