After Loss, Packers Fans Cope With Shattering Realization They Also Live in Fucking Green Bay


What a Packass! Brandon Bostick losing his grip.

GREEN BAY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) After playing arguably the most conservative 4th quarter in NFL playoffs history, the Green Bay Packers found themselves on the losing end of a miraculous overtime comeback by the Seattle Seahawks in Sunday’s NFC Championship Game. The final score was 28-22. The loss, which appeared like a sure win for the Packers, left their fans in utter shock.

“This is a devastation that runs balls deep,” said Nils Andersen, 47, a lifelong Packers fan. “Heap this shattering, dispiriting, degrading, clusterfuck of a loss on top of the fact that every stinking one of us must return to the wintry, hellish abyss of fucking Green Bay — forever hurtling through space on a tiny grain of sand in the cosmos — except our little corner of that grain of sand is rife with cartoonish regional accents, eternal hopelessness, and beer garden culture. At least another trip to the Super Bowl would have provided a distraction, allowing us a tempering, two week respite from the paralyzing realization that life here is an unfathomable chasm of despair from which none of us can ever escape.”

Packers Tight End, Brandon Bostick, juggled an onside kick, allowing the Seahawks to gain possession of the ball, and pull ahead late in the 4th quarter, before a Packers field goal tied the score, sending the game into overtime. Bostick, who enjoyed a post-loss meal of lasagna, buttered bread, a lettuce wedge with bleu cheese dressing, and carrot cake for dessert, said he’s thrilled he doesn’t have to return to Green Bay, and will instead kick back in his winter villa in The Bahamas.

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