Posts Tagged ‘Andy Reid’

From the Archives: Andy Reid Purportedly Has Near Life Experience

Friday, October 28th, 2016

Life Reidings? Apparently there’s something happening.

KANSAS CITY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Kansas City Chiefs Head Coach, Andy Reid unquestionably has has turned things around in his short tenure in town, but life in the NFL changes every week, which may be a part of the reason for an extremely unusual occurrence that may be both physiological and paranormal.

“It appears the coach had a near life experience.” said Chiefs General Manager, John Dorsey. “We consider this a positive since no one has been able to get a pulse from him since 2008.”

Unlike a near death experience, where a person might have the not uncommon sense of crossing over to another dimension which some religious believers say could be an afterlife, the near life experience is infinitely more rare. (more…)

Andy Reid Fired; Severance Package Includes Bacon

Monday, December 31st, 2012

Goodbye, Pork High Fat. Andy Reid might take his bacon westward.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It happened in an instant. Less than twenty-four hours after the Philadelphia Eagles crushing 42-7 defeat at the hands of the New York Giants on Sunday, the team’s most successful coach, Andy Reid finds himself without a gig.

Many fans say the termination is long overdue. Some feel the move is a mistake. No matter how you slice it, Reid walks away with plenty in the bank, a solid resume, and a pallet of Dietz and Watson® brand bacon.

“I had options.” Reid said. “I chose bacon.”  (more…)

Andy Reid Named 51st State

Monday, November 12th, 2012

Move May Expedite Dismissal from Eagles

State of the Union. Andy Reid may house new theme park.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) With their 5th loss in a row yesterday, and a poor second half showing against their longtime rival, Dallas Cowboys, Philadelphia Eagles fans are calling for the immediate ouster of Head Coach, Andy Reid.

Yesterday, in a nearly unanimous, bipartisan stroke of whimsy, Reid was named the 51st state in the Union, which forces the Eagles to make a decision, as a state can “technically” not also be a coach.

“He meets the requirements for statehood.” said Independent Senator from Vermont, Bernie Sanders. “He’s large enough, can support an infrastructure, and produces enough carbon dioxide for at least three million acres of unspoiled woodlands. One of the downfalls of course is he’s landlocked, as he borders Nebraska.”  (more…)

With Eagles Still On Life Support, Andy Reid Let’s Players Use His Respirator

Monday, November 21st, 2011

Tough Celek. Brent Celek getting some down time on the respirator.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Philadelphia Eagles played perhaps their best defense of the season, and backup quarterback Vince Young performed in the clutch as the Philadelphia Eagles defeated the New York Giants 17-10 in a must win game Sunday night.

“We’re still on life support.” said Eagles coach Andy Reid afterward. “There’s still a glimmer of a trace of a grain of a hint of a glint of a chance to sneak or tiptoe or backdoor our way into a playoff position. So I brought my respirator in so the guys can hop on it then they feel we need that extra shot of real, honest to goodness life support.” (more…)

With Season Over, Eagles Show Resolve and Walk Off Field Under Their Own Power

Monday, November 14th, 2011

LeSean LeLoses Again. But valiantly walks off field like it's no big whoop.

PHILADELPHIA  (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Shortly after being signed, Eagles backup quarterback Vince Young dubbed his new team the “Dream Team.” After several off-season acquisitions, there were high expectations for the Eagles in 2011. Things didn’t work out. And now, with nine games played and a record of 3-6, the season is over.

“I’m proud of everyone of my teammates.” said star running back LeSean McCoy. “With magnificently orchestrated ineptitude we let another win slip through our fingers, but still walked off the field under our power and even managed some smiles, chuckles and chortles with our opponents. That’ll give the fans something to treasure and youngsters something to aspire to.” (more…)

Andy Reid Donates His Jacket to Phillies as New Infield Tarp After Eagles Loss

Sunday, January 9th, 2011

Reid It and Weep. Eagles Loss is Phillies Gain.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Philadelphia Eagles drive with nearly one minute left on the clock, resulted in a 21-16 loss after quarterback Michael Vick threw an interception in the end zone sealing a Green Bay Packers victory.

The loss infuriated Eagle Head Coach Andy Reid so much he heaved his jacket halfway across the parking lot as he exited the stadium. Phillies employee Conrad Ritz noticed the massive garment and questioned Reid about it.

“He said to me ‘you guys keep the fuckin’ thing,’” said Ritz. “So I motioned for several fans to help me carry it into the underground parking garage at Citizen’s Bank Park. We were about due for a new tarp to cover the infield during rain delays. This will more than fit the bill.” (more…)

Michael Vick and Deputy Dawg Get Big Laughs from Eagles’ Embarrassing Loss

Monday, September 21st, 2009


What Up Dawg? Deputy Dawg making plans with Michael Vick. The two have become fast friends.

What Up Dawg? Deputy Dawg making plans with Michael Vick. The two have become fast friends.



PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) 48-22 – the final score in the City of Brotherly Love, as the Philadelphia Eagles were schooled by Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints. (more…)