Posts Tagged ‘Atlanta Braves’

Braves Electrify Fans With Walk Off Loss

Thursday, August 18th, 2016

 

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Walk Off Boss. The walk of loss was commandeered by the Snit.

ATLANTA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Atlanta Braves squeezed out one run in the ninth inning on Wednesday night, but it still wasn’t enough as they lost to the Minnesota Twins, 10-3.

The Braves displayed a weak offensive output throughout the contest, until ultimately, the last remaining ember of  hope was permanently vanquished.

“We really sustained a level of ineptitude that kept our opponents in complete control,” said Braves manager, Brian Snitker. “I’m glad we were able to give our fans a nice walk off loss.”

“I love being a fan of this team,” said Parker Vogel of Athens, Georgia. “We’ve come to expect are fair amount of winning over the years. So one of these walk off losses is sweet.” (more…)


Recording Surfaces of Donald Sterling’s Sensitivity Training Session with John Rocker

Tuesday, April 29th, 2014
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The Bigot Can’t Dig It. Even with his alleged sensitivity training, the Clippers owner still sees in black and white.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) A firestorm has surrounded Los Angeles Clipper’s owner, Donald Sterling after racist remarks were recorded and released to the public over the weekend. Apparently, Sterling has a long track track record of discrimination. However, this morning a new recording has surfaced. Sterling, allegedly attended three sensitivity training sessions with former Major League pitcher, John Rocker. Rocker, whose career hit a rapid downward spiral after publicly making offensive remarks about minorities and gays, agreed to work with Sterling five years ago.

“Yes, it’s true.” admitted the one time Atlanta Braves closer. “I was very happy with the progress we made at the time. First off, we both agreed to conduct the session in English, because that’s the language of real Americans. My staff also administered immunity training, where a broad range of folks from around the globe brought in food from their countries to sample, and Donny had to pretend he was totally cool with it. Then there’s what we call Rapping with Rappers which basically has to be seen to be believed, I mean, it’s a total freakin’ hoot.” (more…)


Dan Uggla Learns Sports Psychologist Was Secretly Treating Him Long After He Was Cured

Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

Dandy Scam. Dan Uggla is still sorting through the details of a very strange season.

 

ATLANTA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Renowned sports psychologist, Carl Pritz was in Dan Uggla’s corner when the all star second baseman was toiling under the Mendoza line for the first half of the season. Uggla had struggled before, but not to the level he suffered shortly before emerging from the funk to fashion a 33 game hitting streak, which finally ended on August 14th.

“Unlike players who place an inordinate amount of pressure on themselves, Uggla claims his troubles were because he was being tormented by a small troll named Bixel, who lived in his gallbladder.” said Pritz. “I’ve seen it all before.” (more…)


Hitting Streak: Uggla Feeling Pressure; Breaks Off into Chunks

Friday, August 12th, 2011

Things Could Get Uggla. And apparently they are.

ATLANTA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Achieving the unattainable. Over the years, baseball players have tried to break Joe DiMaggio’s 56 game hitting streak. Pete Rose came the closest in 1978 when he tied Wee Willie Keeler with a 44 game streak. Now Atlanta Braves second baseman Dan Uggla finds himself sitting on 31 straight games, a mere 26 games from breaking Joltin’ Joe’s mark.

Uggla, a likable sort, is truly feeling the pressure.

“It’s getting to him,” said teammate Chipper Jones. “He was in the locker room on Wednesday and two of his fingers fell off. Talk about psychosomatic.”

This isn’t the first time pressure has gotten to a player chasing the record books. In 1961, Roger Maris, in his pursuit of Babe Ruth’s single season home run mark, lost a lot of his hair. (more…)