Posts Tagged ‘Babe Ruth’

A TSD Classique: Researchers from University of Chicago Announce New Formula for Re-evaluating Pre-Steroids Era Baseball Stats

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2016

 

Sammy Sosa celebrates home run number 600. A soon-to-be published paper advances a new statistical model that adjusts baseball statistics for steroids. Based on the author’s findings, a roided-up Babe jacks 1030 career four baggers, though chances are it would lower his “Ruthian” prostitute tally by a factor of five.

CHICAGO  (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) – Next Monday, two professors from the University of Chicago will hold a press conference to announce an explosive new paper that argues for a new way of assessing and providing historical context to baseball statistics in light of those many believe were dramatically inflated by the widespread use of banned performance-enhancing substances. Professors Walt Ossenheimer, a renowned bio-engineer (Jockstraps is in the process of investigating whether that’s an actual academic discipline), and Arnold Pinkerton, a statistician known for his trailblazing work on latent space approaches to dynamic embedding of co-occurrence data, purport to have established a new mathematical model for aligning historical baseball statistics with those compiled during the so-called “steroids” era, seasons roughly spanning 1995-2004.

 

“There are some things we will never know, i.e., did Oswald act alone, did we actually land men on the moon, did OJ really do it, did Bonds, McGwire, Sosa, et al actually use performance enhancers in producing circus-freak numbers that defy biology and historical trends?” rhetorically asked Professor Ossenheimer. ” There’s no way of getting around it, just as there’s no real way of ignoring the numbers they recorded without rewriting history. So the question becomes: since you can’t just dismiss these numbers, how do you honor the actual achievements that have come before, milestones that define the sport of baseball?” (more…)


As Part of Deal, Jeter Gets to Keep Bambino’s Preserved Body in Apple Cellar

Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

Ruth or Consequences. If Jeter didn't take over the Babe's corpse, the Yanks had no backup plan.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) New York baseball purists and traditionalists can rest easy as Derek Jeter is most likely a Yankee for life. The shortstop’s three year $51M deal with the club includes an option for a fourth year and custodial rights to Babe Ruth’s preserved body. The fabled Sultan of Swat’s remains have been remarkably preserved by Abigail Bates, a librarian and amateur taxidermist.

“This is huge for me,” said Jeter. “I look forward to keeping the Babe in my apple cellar at my Greenwood Lake home. It makes for a nice conversation piece during lavish parties or quiet dinners. I’d like to thank the Steinbrenners for this little bit of added value. It was a nice touch.” (more…)


Simulation Company Creates “Real-Life” Tweets of Dead Sports Heroes

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

Follow Ty Cobb on Twitter!

BOCA RATON, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) SimulCom, a video and voice simulation company based in Boca Raton, Florida, creates computer-generated simulations of encounters with world historical figures. Go to their website and chat it up with Isaac Newton, George Bernard Shaw, FDR, or Babe Ruth. Type in a question and 7 out of 10 times you’ll get a relevant answer.

The company has just announced that it has harnessed its technology to transmit “tweets” from long dead sports stars. Among the Twitter-ers are the aforementioned Babe, baseball’s Ty Cobb, football great Red Grange, heavyweight champ Jack Dempsey and basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain. Users choose which dead sports legend to follow, and through the day they receive tweets from what SimulCom’s founder and CEO Arthur Wolfson calls (via a tweet, naturally) “the playing flds of the grt beyond.” (more…)


SIM SERIES GAME 5: Yanks Knock Off Tigers 6-0; Cobb Visits Sick Kid in Hospital and Punches Him in the Nose

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

 

Bed Check. Ty Cobb flattened little Billy Windsor's nose after going 0-4.

Bed Check. Ty Cobb flattened little Billy Windsor's nose after going 0-4.

 

 

DETROIT (Special to Sportsman’s Daily and What If Sports)  The 1932 New York Yankees led by Babe Ruth are one game away from winning the Sim Series after blanking the Ty Cobb-led 1909 Detroit Tigers 6-0.  Lou Gehrig led the way with two solo homers. His first followed a Ruth three-run jack as the Yanks plated five runs in the first inning. Gehrig’s second homer came in the seventh inning. Joe Sewell, Billy Dickey, and Tony Lazzeri all chipped in with two hits apiece. Red Ruffing tossed a complete game four hit shutout for the Bombers. 

 

(more…)


Tigers Beat Yankees 5-3, Down 2-1 in Sim Series;Glitch in TSD’s Satire Algorithm Hurls Cobb Forward in Time; Notorious Racist Freaked to Learn US President is Black

Friday, June 26th, 2009

Uncharacteristically scared and confused, Ty Cobb races home with the 21st century at his back.

Uncharacteristically scared and confused, Ty Cobb races home with the 21st century at his back.

DETROIT (Special to Sportsman’s Daily and What If Sports) Shortly after Ty Cobb’s Tigers notched their first win in Game Three of the Sim Series, beating Babe Ruth’s 1932 Yankees 5-3, the legendary slugger found himself outside Tiger Stadium wandering unfamiliar streets where strange vehicles purred and “people of color” roamed free, unbowed and unhumbled.  Dazed and a bit confused, Cobb sought to regain his bearings and staggered into a public men’s room, where blacks relieved themselves with whites, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. He then found himself at a luncheonette where he was shocked to find people of color seated at the counter, being served as though they were Caucasians. (more…)


Simulation Company Creates “Real-Life” Tweets of Dead Sports Heroes

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
Follow Ty Cobb on Twitter!

Follow Ty Cobb on Twitter!

BOCA RATON, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) SimulCom, a video and voice simulation company based in Boca Raton, Florida, creates computer-generated simulations of encounters with world historical figures. Go to their website and chat it up with Isaac Newton, George Bernard Shaw, FDR, or Babe Ruth. Type in a question and 7 out of 10 times you’ll get a relevant answer.

The company has just announced that it has harnessed its technology to transmit “tweets” from long dead sports stars. Among the Twitter-ers are the aforementioned Babe, baseball’s Ty Cobb, football great Red Grange, heavyweight champ Jack Dempsey and basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain. Users choose which dead sports legend to follow, and through the day they receive tweets from what SimulCom’s founder and CEO Arthur Wolfson calls (via a tweet, naturally) “the playing flds of the grt beyond.” (more…)