Pretty Machete Attitude. Anthony Genovese of Havertown, PA is just as excited about the weekend series as anyone.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Gearing up for a weekend series during the pennant drive in Philadelphia and you can expect boundless energy.  Perhaps more than the Washington Nationals and a few visiting fans making the trek up I-95 to the City of Brotherly Love are accustomed to.  The Nats and their relatively laid back, casual fans, were told to prepare for the onslaught of the classic Philadelphia sports fan – the crazed, passionate fanatics who in the past have been able to rattle pitchers off the mound with booing and yelling.

Apparently the Phillies and their fans have something extra special in store for the team from nation’s capital. (more…)

Asteroid Rage. Mark McGwire denies he ingested asteroid fragments. Then breaks down and admits he did "something."

NASA Supplied Former Slugger with Space Dust Particles in Effort to Be More Cosmic

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Major League Baseball’s league office in New York is concerned a new scandal is looming. Though the spelling is only one letter off, the effects of (a)steroids pose an entirely new set of problems for former Major League slugger Mark McGwire, and possibly others.

It is now alleged that McGwire regularly used asteroids. (more…)

Votto's Grotto. Joey's new mob hangout or fan club?

CINCINNATI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Carlo Rizzi. Paul Vitti. Fictional mobsters from the movies.

Add Joey Votto to the list. Though Votto isn’t fictional, you couldn’t convince members of the Gambino Crime Family the Reds slugging first baseman wasn’t one of them.

“Nice Italian boy with a big fuckin’ bat,” said Caporegime, James “Jimmy Googatz” Micinelli. “You better believe he’s a made man. Anybody throws at this guy’s head ever, and I’ll break their fuckin’ legs!” (more…)

Outta Here!!! Is the discarding of the Mannywood sign just the beginning in the decline of a superstar?

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) First the Mannywood sign is taken down. Next the fan club support dwindles.

Now this.

Apparently the love affair that Manny Ramirez had with the Dodgers and their fans is over. (more…)

Fandom of Heaven. Albert Pujols and Yadier Molina before Jesus dropped the bomb.

ST. LOUIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Kissing a necklace of a crucifix. Crossing one’s self before stepping into the batter’s box. Bowing one’s head before taking the mound. These rituals have gradually worked their way into baseball over the years. Today they stand side by side with secular superstitions like not stepping on a foul line, wearing a rally cap or not talking about a no-hitter while its in progress.

But perhaps the most visible religious tip of the cap is pointing skyward after crossing home plate – an homage and thank you to Jesus Christ, the high profile deity from Nazareth. (more…)

Wes Is a Mess. Wes Helms' bad day was only temporary.

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Florida Marlins infielder Wes Helms was at the center of this past Sunday afternoon’s walk off win against the Atlanta Braves. But the usual post game shaving cream pie celebration took a left turn into what can only be described as a cataclysmic horror show.

Helms is severely allergic to shaving cream. Unfortunately for him, teammates forgot about this and “pied” him anyway. The result was a face melting of epic proportion that not only caused Helms to be disfigured beyond recognition but left permanent psychological scars on any of the fans who remained behind. (more…)

"Auto" matic Out? Most probably. But James Czyzmenick still says he's ready to leave his day job.

PRINGLE, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It happens every year. Baseball teams evaluate their seasons and have to decide whether they’re going to be buyers or sellers before the July 31st trade deadline.

The usual suspects over the past three years, the Yankees, Red Sox, Phillies, and Angels are all prepared to buy again in 2010. The Astros, Diamondbacks and Blue Jays seem to be more than willing to cough up their blue chippers for the right price.

Still, there are no guarantees that certain coveted missing pieces are going to change addresses – except for one.

James Czyzmenick. (more…)

Bye George. He's outta here. Or is he?

METAPHYSICAL REGION, OUTER AND INNER SPACE (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Legendary New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner died of a heart attack Tuesday morning at the age of eighty. While the baseball world and particularly the Yankees and their fans mourn and recall this towering and controversial figure, Steinbrenner himself has assured everyone that this is but a temporary hiccup in his storied ownership.

“Oh, I’ll be around,” said the man simply referred to as The Boss from an undisclosed metaphysical location that is neither here nor there. “And the beauty part is I get to reunite with my old and dear friend, Billy Martin who I plan on hiring and firing for eternity, or however many years it takes the Cubs to win a World Series, whichever comes first. He probably viewed this as his eternal resting place. Guess again Billy.” (more…)

A meal fit for a Prince. Brewer’s slugger Prince Fielder has some serious eating to do. And he’ll get first crack at this bad boy.

MILWAUKEE  (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Milwaukee Brewers rotund slugger Prince Fielder has asked Director of Clubhouse Operations Tony Migliaccio to have his locker moved along side of the team’s buffet table. “I had to walk past Dave Bush, Ryan Braun and a slew of reporters just to get to the damn sausages, meatballs, pasta and chicken,” Fielder bemoaned. “By the time I got there it was picked over and breathed on – drops of spittle from Lord knows who. That’s bullshit. But no more.”

“Prince is one of the leaders of this ball club,” said manager Ken Macha. “He’s a star in this town – a very large star. And with a professional eater of Prince’s stature…well, let’s just say I wouldn’t want to get in his way when he’s fixin’ to get his chops around a plate of Veal Scaloppini.” (more…)

Who's to Blaine? David Blaine as he's being lifted to the window of his penthouse suite and lowered onto the couch where he will withstand the 2010 All-Star Game.

ANAHEIM (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) –  Legendary magician and endurance artist David Blaine announced his latest feat of mind-bending endurance: he will watch every inning of the massively unanticipated 2010 Major League All-Star game without leaving his living room couch.  Contrary to the wishes of most fans outside of Southern California, the world’s most celebrated masochist is actually rooting for the game to go extra innings, as it will ratchet up the drama and add an element of difficulty to the stunt.         (more…)

Teamwork! That’s what Robert De Niro wants to see if he’s successful in bringing a third Major League franchise to New York.

NEW YORK  (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As a boy, Robert De Niro didn’t know Mickey Mantle from Mickey Mouse. Though he had virtually no interest in the sport, he played a baseball player in Bang the Drum Slowly, played a deranged baseball fan in The Fan, and even whacked a guy with bat while playing Al Capone in The Untouchables. So it’s safe to say, he’s picked up a little bit about the game – a little bit.

But now De Niro is leading a group which plans on clearing space in the TriBeCa neighborhood and building a 45,000 seat stadium, to add the New York metropolitan area’s third Major League franchise. (more…)

Ump on a Log. Gary Cederstrom and his fellow umps need to get it right.

ATLANTA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In what is becoming an extremely memorable and odd baseball season with no-hitters, perfect games and uncharacteristically strange plays – even for baseball – umpires have suddenly found themselves fallible.

For the second time in a month, a Major League umpire has admitted a blown call in a game – something up until now that has rarely been seen. (more…)