Posts Tagged ‘MLB’

A TSD Classique: Mario Mendoza’s Property “Line” Relentlessly Ridiculed by Local Youth

Monday, October 10th, 2016

 

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Does This Cross the Line? Local kids enjoy taunting the former light hitting infielder.

CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Former Major League slick fielding but notoriously light hitting infielder, Mario Mendoza attempts to live a quiet, secluded life in the hills around his Chihuahua home. But in the age of instant information, even this small Mexican hamlet isn’t immune to young children learning everything they can about the man who made the “Mendoza Line” famous.

“When you’re hitting below the Mendoza Line, like I am now, you hear about it.” said Washington Nationals outfielder Jayson Werth, who left the Phillies for a 126 million dollar deal in the nation’s capital.

It is widely accepted that the mythical Mendoza Line is hitting below .200 – but in actuality – Mendoza’s lifetime batting average was .215.

Now Mendoza himself is the target of children’s taunts as they retrieve errant baseballs and soccer balls from his yard. As they cross his property line they shout “Look, even I can play over the Mendoza Line.”

“He’s something of a local legend here.” says town mayor Juan Carlos Moreno. “Particularly when he trips over garbage cans as he exits Pepe’s Cantina at 3:00 o’clock in the morning.” (more…)


MLB Honors Kevin Costner for Appearing in Every Baseball Movie Ever Made

Tuesday, July 12th, 2016

 

s This Kevin? The star of Field of Dreams and Bull Durham is receiving the highest (and only) honor Hollywood bestows on baseball movie actors.

Is This Kevin? The star of Field of Dreams and Bull Durham is receiving the highest (and only) honor Hollywood bestows on baseball movie actors.

HOLLYWOOD, CA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Sports movie buffs say the honor is long overdue. But Kevin Costner’s special day has arrived.

Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig as well as several baseball luminaries including Hall of Famers Reggie Jackson and Tom Seaver journeyed to Hollywood, California to present the 59 year old actor with the first ever Bronze Ball Award yesterday. The unprecedented honor recognizes Costner as the only actor to appear in every baseball movie ever produced in Hollywood. The award is a five pound bronze baseball with the block letters of the HOLLYWOOD sign emblazoned between the stitches across the sweet spot. (more…)


Umpire Joe West First to Reach “Double Digits” in Shitty Calls

Friday, May 13th, 2016
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Schlock of the Westies. Joe West, a league leader in blown calls.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Veteran MLB umpire Joe West has a long history of a quick temper and making controversial calls. He’s ranked among the worst umps in player polls over a long career.

Now, West is first to reach the magical “double digit” milestone in 2016, for horrifically inaccurate decisions (HID) or what the players refer to simply as “shitty calls.” (more…)


Nats’ Asst. Clubhouse Manager’s Domineering Mother Won’t Leave Locker Room

Tuesday, April 12th, 2016
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Mom’s the Word. Mother won’t take the hint.

WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Washington Nationals Assistant Clubhouse Manager, Nathan Landers, preps players’ lockers, cleans uniforms, and makes sure everything is in order for the team both at home and on the road. He owes much of his organizational skills to his mom, Dorothy. Though he acknowledges his mother’s attention to detail, he also claims she was an overprotective, manipulative nuisance during his childhood and adolescence, and still nags the 41 year old MLB employee on a daily basis with texts, phone calls, emails, and even hand written letters. Now, she’s taken things a step further.   (more…)


A TSD Classique: Veteran Slugger’s April Fools Hotfoot Trick Backfires; Rookie Engulfed in Flames

Friday, April 1st, 2016
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Flame Thrower. In a manner of speaking.

DETROIT (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Tigers 21 year old pitcher Ian Krol expected the kind of good natured ribbing most rookies receive while playing along side veteran Major Leaguers. That’s when slugger Miguel Cabrera’s initially innocent trick – the longtime classic – the hotfoot went horribly wrong.

Apparently someone tipped Krol off that Cabrera was about to give him a hotfoot. That’s when Krol snuck into the locker room and doused himself in turpentine. When Cabrera administered the hotfoot, Krol exploded into a blazing inferno.

“I guess the joke was on him,” said Krol, recovering at a local burn unit. “You should have seen the look on his face when I started screaming. What a fuckin’ riot.” (more…)


Bristol-Myers Squibb Recalls Cholesterol Fighting Ballpark Hot Dog

Tuesday, March 8th, 2016
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Clog With the Works. This dog may not clog your arteries, but it ain’t that great either.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Intended as a way to make an iconic ballpark food healthier, pharmaceutical giant, Bristol-Myers Squibb debuted a cholesterol fighting hot dog this week. Almost immediately, they’ve announced they will recall over twelve million frankfurters distributed to ten Major League parks after receiving thousands of complaints. Many who tried the wieners expressed dissatisfaction with the flavor, claiming it had a strong medicinal taste.

“Not to be a whiner, but fusing a bitter, metallic aftertaste with mustard and relish on an all beef frank isn’t exactly my idea of a pleasant afternoon at the yard.” said New York Mets fan Herb Lansing, of Brooklyn. “I appreciate the fellas over at Bristol-Myers Squibb trying to be all preventative and shit by putting the cholesterol fighting drug into the actual high cholesterol food and all, but they’re gonna need to go back to the drawing board on this one.” (more…)


Seattle Pilots Fan Still Waiting for Autograph Promised Him in 1969

Tuesday, December 15th, 2015
Where's there's a Gil, There's a Way. Marty Corson is still waiting for Gus Gil's autograph.

Where’s there’s a Gil, There’s a Way. Marty Corson is still waiting for Gus Gil’s autograph.

 

 

SEATTLE (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Martin Corson was 14 years old in 1969 when he visited Sick’s Stadium in Seattle to watch major league baseball with his dad. The Seattle Pilots were one of two new American League teams to enter the majors (the other was the Kansas City Royals) as part of baseball’s expansion. However, interest in the team wasn’t particularly high, and attendance suffered. The team moved the very next season and became the Milwaukee Brewers, where they’ve remained since 1970. (more…)


Daniel Murphy Bobbles Eggs and Bacon Breakfast at IHOP

Monday, November 2nd, 2015
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Murphy’s Law. Oops. Sports psychologists on standby.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) New York Mets second baseman, Daniel Murphy made critical errors on consecutive nights adding to his team’s batch of costly mistakes ultimately resulting in his team losing the World Series. The Kansas City Royals defeated the Mets four games to one capturing just its second championship in team history.

Murphy, who dominated the first two rounds of the post-season with seven homers, all but disappeared offensively in the Fall Classic. But his glove, or lack thereof, took center stage. The sudden proclivity for booting things followed him into a local IHOP this morning. The infielder ordered scrambled eggs, bacon, a short stack, and coffee, but when the food arrived, he was unable to keep any of it on the table. Small children ran for cover as strips of crisp bacon were flying everywhere. (more…)


TSD Celebrates “Back To The Future” Day with Back to the Not So Distant Future Day

Wednesday, October 21st, 2015
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Is It Today Already? It is.

BOCA RATON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Today is Back To The Future day, marking Marty McFly’s futuristic flight to October 21, 2015, as imagined from 1985, when telephones were all leashed and something called the Internet was a sleepy backwater for a handful of military folk and academic researchers. While the film scored some direct hits — wearable technology, video calls, fingerprint recognition — some predictions fell well wide of the mark, though with driverless cars on the horizon can flying cars be that far behind? (more…)


As Trade Deadline Looms, “Player to Be Named Later” Has Trouble Sleeping

Tuesday, July 28th, 2015

“Auto” matic Out? Most probably. But James Czyzmenick still says he’s ready to leave his day job.

PRINGLE, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It happens every year. Baseball teams evaluate their seasons and have to decide whether they’re going to be buyers or sellers before the July 31st trade deadline.

The usual suspects, the Yankees, Dodgers, and Angels are all prepared to buy again in 2015. The Marlins, Phillies, and A’s seem to be more than willing to cough up their blue chippers for the right price.

Still, there are no guarantees that certain coveted missing pieces are going to change addresses – except for one.

James Czyzmenick. (more…)


First Dozen Yankees Fans Receive a Chunk of Derek Jeter

Friday, September 26th, 2014
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You Wanna Piece of Me? Well, some Yankees fans got just that.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The first twelve New York Yankees fans at Thursday night’s farewell to Derek Jeter at Yankee Stadium, received a chunk of All-Star shortstop and baseball deity, after the Bronx Bombers defeated the visiting Baltimore Orioles 6-5 on his walk-off hit.

“I got his right leg,” chimed 11 year old, Timmy Logan, of Wayne, New Jersey. “I’ll treasure it forever. I plan on sleeping with it under my pillow.”

Jeter, who has been lavished with gifts across baseball, decided to give back. He hired professional chainsaw artist, David Manson, to hack off select parts of his body for a lucky few adoring fans to have as keepsakes.

“What better memento for a fan, than giving of yourself, literally,” said baseball historian, Peter Gammons. “I wouldn’t mind hanging his shoulder in my study. With the proper lighting, it’d be quite the conversation piece.”

Jeter, the Yankee’s all-time hit leader, and sixth in the game’s history, is a first ballot Hall of Famer, but has recently come under scrutiny by some powerful media members for perceived grandstanding during his much ballyhooed swan song.  (more…)


Bud Selig Reverses Lifetime Ban on Shoeless Joe Jackson; Says He’s Welcome to Play Anytime

Friday, August 29th, 2014
Bad to the Bone? Selig says "no." Shoeless Joe's remains are welcome to play again.

Bad to the Bone? Selig says “no.” Shoeless Joe’s remains are welcome to play again.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Eight Men Out. Baseball fans know it as the name of the motion picture which chronicled the eight members of the 1919 Chicago White Sox who were banned permanently from baseball. The most famous among the group was undoubtedly Shoeless Joe Jackson, who wound up being the centerpiece of another great baseball film, Field of Dreams.

Now outgoing MLB Commissioner Bud Selig has reversed the lifetime ban on Jackson and said he’d welcome the hard hitting outfielder back with open arms. (more…)