NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — There was a time when drama meant a game that went down to the final seconds. Now, it just as often refers to the amateurish over-acting of NBA drama queens who wouldn’t know Constantin Stanislavski from Peja Stoyakavich. James Lipton, the famously finicky host of Actor’s Studio, says that instead of working the refs, the NBA’s most blatant offenders should spend more time working on their “lamentably under-developed” acting chops. Lipton believes the “epidemic” of lousy acting is making an NBA game harder to sit through than a Steven Seagall movie.
“The so-called acting we’re seeing out there on the floor is just abominable – where’s the motivation, where’s the inner anguish…it’s all just externalized claptrap without the emotional ballast that underpins a credible performance,” sniffed Lipton. “The primal shrieks, girlish gasps, absurd flopping, the wide-eyed looks of disbelief, the ironic smirks…bad, bad, bad. Just abysmal.” Lipton shuddered as though he’d just wakened to find himself in a pornographic Ed Wood film.
“I’m not saying you can turn Kevin Garnett into Denzel Washington overnight,” said Lipton, “but with training, a Nicholas Cage-caliber performance is well within reach. Let’s face it, a Celtics-Heat game ain’t Shakespeare, but let’s not turn it into a poorly dubbed Japanese horror flick with turnovers, mental lapses and shoddy fourth quarter execution in the final reel.” (more…)