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Posts Tagged ‘Carl Crawford’

Francona Kisses Heads of Players to Make It All Feel Better; Papelbon Rides Bike Back to Boston

Thursday, September 29th, 2011

Stare Tactics. Jonathan Papelbon's glaring glance to home plate didn't intimidate the Orioles.

BALTIMORE (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Another epic collapse in baseball. The Phillies of 1964. The Mets of 2007. And now the Boston Red Sox of 2011. The team many predicted to win it all this season, had the Wild Card all but sewn up earlier this month, but a charging Tampa Bay Rays team had other ideas. Coupled with Boston’s freefall, the season culminated at 12:05 AM on Thursday, as Evan Longoria’s left field laser beam ended it all.

“I’d kick myself,” said Red Sox outfielder, Carl Crawford. “But I think I’d miss.” (more…)

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Devil Tries Reentering Rays’ Name; Exorcism Performed

Thursday, September 23rd, 2010

In a Rays Haze. Tampa Bay Rays star outfielder Carl Crawford’s initial effects of possession are evident here as he appears to be in a hellish stupor.

Carl Crawford’s Head Does 360

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — While on a trip to the Bronx to play the Yankees, the Tampa Bay Rays had the added and unexpected task of exorcising the demon Lucifer, better known as the devil, yesterday when he tried reentering the Rays organization’s official name. “What can I say? I missed the guys,” said Lucifer. “But when I showed up they all told me to go to hell. Cute – like I haven’t heard that one before. Is that anyway to treat a legendary, albeit largely debatable fallen angel?”

“Debatable?” said Rays leftfielder Carl Crawford. “That mofo showed up and tried embossing himself back on my uniform. Naturally, I protested. Then he made my head spin around a couple of hundred times, and puke up split pea soup. I hate split pea soup. I prefer something light and chicken broth based when I’m vomiting. I hope he got a good laugh out of it.” (more…)

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