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Posts Tagged ‘Chris Bosh’

LeBron’s Performance Buried at Sea in Exceptionally Awkward Traditional Muslim Ceremony

Monday, May 16th, 2011

Bury the 6. Boat of Chicago's shore awaits LeBron's performance to escort to it's final resting place.

CHICAGO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) 5 for 15 is apparently all it takes to be considered officially dead. LeBron James and the Miami Heat suffered an embarrassing Game 1 loss to the Chicago Bulls 103-82 in the NBA’s Eastern Conference Finals. James poor 15 point performance was quickly rendered dead, wrapped in a white sheet and taken twelve miles out onto Lake Michigan and dumped into water believed to be 425 feet deep. LeBron observed the traditional Muslim burial.

“OK. Well, I guess I’ll have to start over and figure out how to play this game,” said LeBron. “Sheikh Ahmed Abdul-Malik told me ‘hang in there, we’ll get ‘em next time.’”

It was also explained to LeBron that even though Sunday’s performance is in fact very dead, his career can live again. (more…)

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After Startling Loss, LeBron James Inexplicably Acquires Swedish Accent

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

O death, where is thy bling? LeBron James has not only developed a scarily dead-on Swedish accent, but a fatalistic persona that’s really bumming people out.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — The soap opera that is the life of LeBron James has taken another baffling turn. Miami Heat players and management are trying to determine how their newest superstar, LeBron James has suddenly taken on an almost total and nearly perfect Swedish accent. After suffering a rare 111-105 loss to the lowly Clippers Wednesday night in Los Angeles, the accent magically appeared.

“I’ve been around basketball for over forty years, and I’ve seen a lot,” said Heat GM Pat Riley. “But I have absolutely no explanation for this at all. What can I say? Uh, he did go shopping at IKEA once.”

But teammates insist Riley is misinformed and that James has become obsessed with the Swedish furniture chain spending hours rummaging through their small, but surprisingly well-stocked imported food area. (more…)

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Dan Marino to Seek Long Awaited Championship Ring With Miami Heat

Friday, July 9th, 2010

Ring Leader? Dan Marino to Join Trio of Doom on Heat Roster.

NFL Hall of Famer to Throw Half Court Passes

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The “decision” came down at 9:27 PM Thursday night when LeBron James announced he’d be taking his act to South Beach and join Dywane Wade and Chris Bosh on the Miami Heat.

This prompted spontaneous proclamations in the palm tree lined streets of the city of a guaranteed championship. That’s when former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino made some news of his own and announced he’d be joining the trio of doom on the Heat’s roster. (more…)

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