Posts Tagged ‘Houston Astros’

From the Archives: Down on Luck Lenny Dykstra Sells Dentures on eBay

Tuesday, October 25th, 2016

Glass Act. Lenny Dykstra’s teeth include this collectible glass container.

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, CA. (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) How the mighty have fallen. Once a baseball all-star and stock picker to the stars, former outfielder, Lenny Dykstra, now spends his days toiling away in prison. His rap sheet reads like the credits on a blockbuster movie…long.

Now, the man they called “Nails” will take whatever bucks he can as he’s just put his dentures up for bid on eBay. No takers as of yet. (more…)

Oldest Astros Fan Still Searching for His Team in NL Central Standings

Thursday, September 15th, 2016
Old Man Reading Newspaper

Damn Typos. Roderick “Red” Newton-Ayers at local eatery searching desperately for his team.

HOUSTON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Roderick “Red” Newton-Ayers, 97, the head of the conglomerate, Texas T Oil, has followed his team since they entered the National League in 1962 as the Colt 45’s in Major League Baseball’s second year of expansion.

Now, the rapidly aging Newton-Ayers is up in arms about being unable to find his team in the baseball standings.

“They must be here somewhere.” the irate magnate yelled, as his man servant, Lars massaged his thighs while he engaged his usual breakfast of grapefruit, a scrambled egg, and two slices of bacon. “What in all things holy is going on here? I’m looking at the bottom of the NL Central. They should be there!” (more…)

From the Archives: Teammates Stunned to Learn Pitcher Brett Myers Enjoys Reading

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2014




Curveball. Brett Myers certainly threw his teammates a big old hook.



GLENDALE, AZ (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As spring training gets underway, Chicago White Sox pitcher Brett Myers decided to tell teammates in a teary confession that he enjoys reading lengthy novels, sometimes two or three at a time.

“Fellas, I’d like to share something with you all.” Myers said, speaking above the din of the locker room, his voice unsteady and his eyes welling up with emotion. (more…)