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Posts Tagged ‘Joey Votto’

SPRING TRAINING: Marge Schott Returns from Grave to Suck Blood From Current Reds

Thursday, February 21st, 2013

 

Can't Be Schott. Only a wooden stake through the heart will do the trick on Marge.

GOODYEAR, AZ (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) She was a terrifying figure while she was alive, and now deceased former Cincinnati Reds owner, Marge Schott has returned from the grave to suck the blood from the living.

Schott, who died in 2004, emerged from thin air at team’s spring training site. She immediately sunk her four inch fangs into the neck of Reds slugger Joey Votto.

“I was up for some good grease ball Italian food,” the undead owner known for her racist outbursts, chimed in a haunting, hollow voice amidst a swirling fog and a twelve tone musical accompaniment by a choir of demons. (more…)

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Reds’ Joey Votto Mistaken For Made Man at Gambino Mixer

Wednesday, June 27th, 2012

Votto's Grotto. Joey's new mob hangout or fan club?

CINCINNATI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Carlo Rizzi. Paul Vitti. Fictional mobsters from the movies.

Add Joey Votto to the list. Though Votto isn’t fictional, you couldn’t convince members of the Gambino Crime Family the Reds slugging first baseman wasn’t one of them.

“Nice Italian boy with a big fuckin’ bat,” said Caporegime, James “Jimmy Googatz” Micinelli. “You better believe he’s a made man. Anybody throws at this guy’s head ever, and I’ll break their fuckin’ legs!”

After Tuesday’s 4-3 win over Central Division rival the Milwaukee Brewers – Votto was invited by Gambino soldiers Louie “Medium Lou” Fabrizio and Angelo “Nervous Twitch” Nervossa to a get together at Anthony’s Tavern, a reputed mob hangout. The Gambino clan is in town for the wedding of Michael “Little Mikey” Ferraro and Ann Marie “Sweet Snatch” Vaginello scheduled for this Saturday. (more…)

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Marge Schott Returns from Grave to Suck Blood From Current Reds

Monday, June 13th, 2011

Can't Be Schott. Only a wooden stake through the heart will do the trick on Marge.

CINCINNATI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) She was a terrifying figure while she was alive, and now deceased former Cincinnati Reds owner, Marge Schott has returned from the grave to suck the blood from the living.

Schott, who died in 2004, emerged from the restroom about ten minutes into the Reds charter flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles. She immediately sunk her four inch fangs into the neck of Reds slugger Joey Votto. (more…)

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