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Posts Tagged ‘Kansas City Royals’

Small Market KC Royals Set to Unveil Spectacular Micro-Tron

Thursday, March 7th, 2013

 

Going Live! A real innovation, this amazing piece of technology will let some lucky Royals fan watch The Golden Girls in glorious black and white – as long as that fan is sitting in Seat 4, Row 8, Section 113.

KANSAS CITY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Though Major League Baseball is flourishing even in these challenging economic times, some ball clubs are faced with a reality the Yankees, Red Sox, and Phillies may never know. They are the small market, low budget teams like the Twins and Pirates. Near the top of that list sits the Kansas City Royals. But the Royals proved they can still play hard ball – literally and figuratively.

The club unveiled their brand new Micro-tron yesterday before a small media contingent. (more…)

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Small Market Royals Flip Stadium Energy Source Over to Charlie Sheen

Friday, March 4th, 2011

Winning! Can Charlie Sheen turn a perennial loser into a once again successful franchise?

KANSAS CITY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Look out green energy, you’ve got some serious competition. The unexplainable, frenzied voltage that has transmogrified a once bankable sitcom star into a bottomless source of unbridled and erratic kilowatts is exactly what the Kansas City Royals plan on powering Kauffman Stadium with this season.

“Actor Charlie Sheen will act as the sole electrical source for the park,” said Keith Decker, Stadium Operations Director. “We’re in the process of transferring everything over right now, and should be ready for opening day. We should save millions.” (more…)

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Rush Limbaugh Doctor Shops After Contracting Acute Case of Pennant Fever

Monday, September 27th, 2010

September Rush. Pennant Fever leads to Limbaugh's latest miscue.

PALM BEACH, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Conservative talk show host, self appointed messiah of the Republican party, three time divorcee, and sports fan Rush Limbaugh could find himself in a heap of trouble again after doctor shopping in Palm Beach County for Zoxydian, an experimental drug believed to relieve the symptoms of a common but non life-threatening condition known as pennant fever.

Zoxydian has not been approved by the FDA. Limbaugh agreed to submit to taking small doses to combat what he calls “an uncontrollable urge to plop my fat ass in front of a sixty inch TV monitor for three hours a night and drink in the majesty of the September pennant drive.” (more…)

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Minor League Pitcher Mistakenly Has Elton John Surgery

Thursday, August 13th, 2009
Flame Thrower. Minor League pitcher Francis Grogan, here looking remarkably like pop diva Elton John, expects to get his fastball back up into the mid-90's in time for the 2010 Winter League. If that fails, he can always get work as a sexually-ambiguous mascot.

Flame Thrower. Minor League pitcher Francis Grogan, here looking remarkably like pop diva Elton John, expects to get his fastball back up into the mid-90's in time for the 2010 Winter League.

BURLINGTON, IA. (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Faced with a career threatening elbow injury, Burlington Bees pitcher Francis Grogan elected to have Tommy John surgery prior to the start of the 2009 season to alleviate the problem. While the Kansas City Royals Single A affiliate’s coaching staff was encouraged by Grogan’s swift recovery, the outcome was not what they expected. (more…)

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