Posts Tagged ‘LA Clippers’

Giant Crab Emerges From Pacific and Does Battle With Blake Griffin

Tuesday, July 26th, 2016

Fallout Boy. This radioactive, mutated fella met his match when he battled Clippers star, Blake Griffin.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It’s been over four years since the Fukishima Nuclear Plant disaster, but reports of mutated, mammoth sized (but very dead) sea creatures washing up on the California coast linger.

Others claim the incidents are flat out hoaxes or at the very least, overly hyped tales of much lesser events. But even the most skeptical of critics scratched their collective head when a creature some Japanese islanders call Ebhira, emerged near Redondo Beach late yesterday afternoon.  The nearly twenty story high crab surfaced in the churning waters and made a direct path for the Staples Center where the LA Clippers call home. (more…)

Donald Sterling Attempts Damage Control By Buying Clippers’ Players Popsicles

Monday, May 12th, 2014

PopSterling. The embattled LA Clippers owner extends an olive branch.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In an effort to repair irreparable damage, a despondent and tattered Donald Sterling swung by the Staples Center to drop off a case of Popsicles® for his players.

“I got grape, cherry and orange,” the 80 year old reputed bigot chimed. “The fellas might like a cool treat. I even got a few extras for some of the starters.”

Sterling is wrestling with the notion of generosity and caring for the first time in his life, but feels starting out small is the way to go. (more…)

After Startling Loss, LeBron James Inexplicably Acquires Swedish Accent

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

O death, where is thy bling? LeBron James has not only developed a scarily dead-on Swedish accent, but a fatalistic persona that’s really bumming people out.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — The soap opera that is the life of LeBron James has taken another baffling turn. Miami Heat players and management are trying to determine how their newest superstar, LeBron James has suddenly taken on an almost total and nearly perfect Swedish accent. After suffering a rare 111-105 loss to the lowly Clippers Wednesday night in Los Angeles, the accent magically appeared.

“I’ve been around basketball for over forty years, and I’ve seen a lot,” said Heat GM Pat Riley. “But I have absolutely no explanation for this at all. What can I say? Uh, he did go shopping at IKEA once.”

But teammates insist Riley is misinformed and that James has become obsessed with the Swedish furniture chain spending hours rummaging through their small, but surprisingly well-stocked imported food area. (more…)

LA Clippers Struggle to Come Up With One Thing to Be Thankful For on Thanksgiving

Wednesday, November 24th, 2010

Wings Clipped in '10. This Thanksgiving, there's not much celebrating going on.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) With the worst record in the NBA and living in the shadow of the Lakers for eternity, the Los Angeles Clippers find themselves struggling to find just one thing to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

“Well, let’s see,” a clearly depressed Chris Kaman contemplated. “I’m alive. That’s something. Although most people seven feet or taller don’t always live what are considered full lives. Mainly because the heart muscle is so taxed to pump blood to the extremities they’re generally dead before age 60. OK, wow. That’s really depressing. On second thought, maybe I’m not thankful for anything.”

Kaman isn’t the only member of the team who finds it a challenge to be grateful this holiday. (more…)