Posts Tagged ‘LA Lakers’

Giant Crab Emerges From Pacific and Does Battle With Blake Griffin

Tuesday, July 26th, 2016

Fallout Boy. This radioactive, mutated fella met his match when he battled Clippers star, Blake Griffin.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It’s been over four years since the Fukishima Nuclear Plant disaster, but reports of mutated, mammoth sized (but very dead) sea creatures washing up on the California coast linger.

Others claim the incidents are flat out hoaxes or at the very least, overly hyped tales of much lesser events. But even the most skeptical of critics scratched their collective head when a creature some Japanese islanders call Ebhira, emerged near Redondo Beach late yesterday afternoon.  The nearly twenty story high crab surfaced in the churning waters and made a direct path for the Staples Center where the LA Clippers call home. (more…)

Kobe Bryant Creepily Lurks Outside Mike Brown’s House for Third Straight Day

Tuesday, November 13th, 2012

Stare Tactics. The infamous "death stare" Kobe Bryant laid on Mike Brown shortly before the firing.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) After Kobe Bryant’s infamous, nationally televised “death stare” and the subsequent firing of LA Lakers Head Coach, Mike Brown, the Lakers star is in his third day of hanging around the frightened coach’s home.

“He watches me from across the street when I’m making breakfast.” said Brown. “I sense his presence all around me. He texted me and told me he watches me when I’m sleeping. That’s some creepy, creepy, creepy ass shit. Can’t he just leave well enough alone? I’m fired, I’m out. I have nothing to do with the Lakers anymore. What the hell?”  (more…)

LeBron James Stoked to Learn His NBA 2K11 Video Likeness Wins Championship

Monday, November 7th, 2011

Virtual James. LeBron finally gets to hoist the trophy.

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Even as a 2011-12 NBA season seems more and more unlikely, fourteen year old Hector Gutierrez couldn’t be happier. That’s because he managed to commandeer the Miami Heat, and LeBron James in particular, to an NBA Finals title in the wildly popular NBA 2K11 game on his XBOX 360.

“Finally!” chimed the high school freshman. “The only way that asshole’s ever gonna win anything is in my more than capable hands.”

Gutierrez coaxed an eye popping 58 points out of James who led the Heat to a Game 7 rout of the Los Angeles Lakers, controlled by Connor Grant who lives across the street. (more…)

Phil Jackson Watches Reruns of Old Championships; Then Game Pass Him By

Sunday, May 8th, 2011

Zen and Where? Phil Jackson may not know where he is.

DALLAS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Phil Jackson, arguably the greatest coach in professional basketball history, and winner of eleven NBA titles, was embarrassingly reduced to mortal being on Sunday as the Dallas Mavericks completed a sweep of his Los Angeles Lakers, crushing the two-time defending champs, 122-86.

Before the game, Jackson and several of his players enjoyed viewing video highlights of his eleven titles in the hopes that it would ignite a Lakers comeback.

“That awkward smile you saw on my face beginning late in the third quarter was me watching the game pass me by,” said the man know as the Zen Master. “It tapped me on the shoulder after Game 3, and then just presented me with a good old fashioned ‘sayonara‘ on Sunday. It could have at least given me a gold watch or the keys to 2011 Hyundai Sonata or something, but nothing.” (more…)