Posts Tagged ‘Los Angeles Dodgers’

Dodger Dog Vendor Blamed for Most of LA’s Heart Disease

Monday, September 19th, 2016

 

Doggin’ It! Cardiac patients need to cross this little lovely off their list. But vendor Phil Ferraro says, “Relax. Take a bite.”

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — The Dodger Dog – a simple frankfurter in a bun that is widely regarded as the very best in major league baseball, is as much a piece of Los Angeles Dodgers history as a Maury Wills stolen base or a Sandy Koufax strikeout. Hot dog vendor Phil Ferraro has been working the field box level at Dodger Stadium since the early seventies. He estimates he’s personally sold over nine-hundred thousand Dodger Dogs and is quickly approaching the one million mark. “That’s a helluva lotta cholesterol,” the fifty-nine year old wiener jockey said. “I look at these people on the aisle ordering three dogs for the fat guy in seat 12 and think to myself, ‘this poor bastard’s gonna be dead before the fifth inning.’ But as much as it pains me to contribute to their inevitable heart disease, I do derive a guilty pleasure from seeing their faces light up when they take that first bite – the mustard, relish and dog juice dripping down their double chins. ” (more…)


After NLDS Loss, Dodgers’ Joc Pederson Demoted to Bat Boy

Friday, October 16th, 2015
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All “Peder”ed Out. Little Joc has about had it.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The New York Mets defeated the Los Angeles Dodgers 3-2 on Thursday night to move on the NLCS against the Chicago Cubs. Afterward, Dodgers rookie outfielder, Joc Pederson was demoted to bat boy. The 23 year-old Southern California native wasn’t too pleased with the decision, even complaining to an umpire.

“Given his performance in the post-season, we feel this reality check is necessary,” said NBA Hall of Famer and high profile member of the Dodgers ownership group, Magic Johnson. “All of us have to take a step backwards sometimes and reevaluate, reassess our place within a team structure. Well, most people that is. I never had to because I was fuckin’ great all the time, but most mortals.” (more…)


Dodgers’ Utley Enjoys Downtime Taking Out Isis

Monday, October 12th, 2015
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Ordering Take Out. Should Dodgers’ Chase Utley’s technique be reviewed?

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, SYRIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Los Angeles Dodgers infielder, Chase Utley found himself in the middle of the biggest controversy of the post-season after making a hard slide into second base and breaking the leg of New York Mets shortstop Ruben Tejada. People are lining up on both sides of the play — some saying it was clean, but hard-nosed baseball — with the majority saying it was illegal or unnecessary, using words like “dirty” and “disgraceful.”

Utley hasn’t let the two game suspension or public opinion he’s received deter him from using his hard sliding “take out” technique against world nuisance, Isis.  Utley’s flying tackle slides have wiped out three caravans of Isis terrorists, flipping over their Toyota trucks travelling at high speeds across both desert and mountainous terrain. (more…)


12 Year Old Boy Purchases Contract of Matt Kemp With 800 Million Green Stamps

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014

 

Greener Pastures? Not for Matt Kemp apparently as the Dodgers star is now part of Timmy Bradford’s neighborhood team.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Los Angeles Dodgers have sold the contract of star outfielder, Matt Kemp to twelve year old baseball fan, Timmy Bradford for the sum of eight hundred million Green Stamps.

“Yes, we still take S&H® Green Stamps.” said team Vice President and Assistant General Manager, Basil Slobodan. “Master Bradford apparently unearthed a cache of booklets containing millions of Green Stamps, saved by his grandmother Louise while shopping at the Safeway® on Olive Avenue in Burbank from 1965 until 1981. It was really cute when he walked in with them and wanted to buy out Matty’s contract. How do you say ‘no’ to something like that?” (more…)


Dodgers File For Bankruptcy; Owner McCourt’s Credit Card Denied at In N’ Out Burger

Monday, June 27th, 2011

McDouble-Double Trouble. Dodgers Owner Frank McCourt's had better days.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) With the inability to meet payroll, a bitter divorce in process, a lucrative television deal blocked, and administrative and managerial departments in turmoil, the Los Angeles Dodgers® had no choice but to file bankruptcy in a Delaware court this morning.

The decision will have a ripple effect on the team as chinks in the armor have been exposed for days already. (more…)


Cash Strapped Dodgers Hold B.Y.O.B. Night; Fans Must Throw Back Foul Balls

Thursday, May 5th, 2011

Dodger Blew! Lousy, is how most LA fans feel about their beloved boys of summer.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It seems a once proud and iconic baseball franchise has been reduced to a punch line. The Los Angeles Dodgers, struggling to make payroll this month, might have to be rescued by Major League Baseball to fulfill their contractual obligations to their players.

The team has not buried their head in the sand, however. (more…)


Manny Ramirez Temporarily Feels Disappointed by Season-Ending Loss to Phils

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

Sorry Dodgers fans, Manny Ramirez just doesn't care. Not even a little bit.

Sorry Dodgers fans, Manny Ramirez just doesn't care. Not even a little bit.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Never get too high. Never get too low. It’s the mantra of baseball players everywhere — and a good thing too, given the inevitable ups and downs of a 162 game season. Unlike football or basketball, baseball is best played with a contained intensity.

Dodgers’ slugger Manny Ramirez takes a decidedly different approach to the game — and anyone who’s followed his remarkably productive career would have a hard time arguing with the results. People who know him best speak of his unflinching, unwavering, bullet-proof, all-weather “indifference.” No matter the pressure, the game situation or even the life circumstance. (more…)


Minor League Pitcher Mistakenly Has Elton John Surgery

Thursday, August 13th, 2009
Flame Thrower. Minor League pitcher Francis Grogan, here looking remarkably like pop diva Elton John, expects to get his fastball back up into the mid-90's in time for the 2010 Winter League. If that fails, he can always get work as a sexually-ambiguous mascot.

Flame Thrower. Minor League pitcher Francis Grogan, here looking remarkably like pop diva Elton John, expects to get his fastball back up into the mid-90's in time for the 2010 Winter League.

BURLINGTON, IA. (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Faced with a career threatening elbow injury, Burlington Bees pitcher Francis Grogan elected to have Tommy John surgery prior to the start of the 2009 season to alleviate the problem. While the Kansas City Royals Single A affiliate’s coaching staff was encouraged by Grogan’s swift recovery, the outcome was not what they expected. (more…)