Posts Tagged ‘Mark McGwire’

Mark McGwire Seen Creepily Lurking Outside Hall of Fame Offices

Tuesday, January 12th, 2016
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Marked for Life? Only time will tell if M2 sees the hall.

COOPERSTOWN (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service)  Former Oakland A’s and St. Louis Cardinals slugger and accused PED user, Mark McGwire was once again unable to accumulate enough votes to enter the Baseball Hall of Fame.  He did watch contemporaries, Ken Griffey Jr. and Mike Piazza receive the honor on his smartphone however.

“We spotted him watching the live feed on the MLB TV app.” said Hall of Fame Assistant Curator and Least Ethnic Name Award winner, Horace Kensington-Stark. “Afterward, he was lurking about for roughly three hours peering into windows with an odd, blank stare which eventually transmogrified into a cold, malevolent smile as if some horrible event was about to go down. Fortunately, it didn’t. So far.”  (more…)


New Allegations: Mark McGwire Now Admits He Did Asteroids

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

Asteroid Rage. Mark McGwire denies he ingested asteroid fragments. Then breaks down and admits he did "something."

NASA Supplied Former Slugger with Space Dust Particles in Effort to Be More Cosmic

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Major League Baseball’s league office in New York is concerned a new scandal is looming. Though the spelling is only one letter off, the effects of (a)steroids pose an entirely new set of problems for former Major League slugger Mark McGwire, and possibly others.

It is now alleged that McGwire regularly used asteroids. (more…)


South Carolina Man Only American Stunned at Mark McGwire Steroid Admission

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

Outta Here!  His common sense that is.  Jasper Stokes is apparently the only American stunned by the slugger Mark McGwire's admission to using performance enhancing drugs.

Outta Here! His common sense that is. Jasper Stokes is apparently the only American stunned by the slugger Mark McGwire's admission to using performance enhancing drugs.

SANTEE, SC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Jasper Stokes of Santee, South Carolina is still processing the news and is recovering from severe shock after his boyhood idol Mark McGwire admitted to using steroids during his baseball career.

“I just didn’t see that one coming. Didn’t see it coming at all,” said the 29 year old fireworks salesman. “Hey, I heard all the whispers. But when you emotionally invest in a player you put them up on a pedestal, I guess denial becomes an old and trusted friend. I just assumed he was eating more and lifting weights. Hell, I’ve eaten more recently and lifted weights and I’ve sold more fireworks this year than in the last three years combined. Am I making any sense?” (more…)