Cavaliers Fan Announces Retirement Effective Immediately — “If Not Sooner”
Tuesday, July 13th, 2010

Cleveland Cavaliers present fashionable surveillance ankle bracelet to retiring fan Dan Schultz. Organization makes it clear that Schultz' retirement is binding and irreversible.
CLEVELAND (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Dick Schultz, a fifty-five year unemployed plant worker and fanatical Cavaliers fan from Akron, startled family, friends and co-workers when earlier today he announced his retirement, having given 40 of his so-called best years to his beloved team.
“You can’t be a fan forever, you have to know when to call it quits,” said Shultz.
Schultz claims it has nothing to do with Lebron James’s decision to bolt the Cavs and sign with the widely reviled Miami Heat. (more…)







