Posts Tagged ‘Minnesota Twins’

A TSD Classique: Twelve Batboys Held for Possession of Performance Enhancing Drugs

Tuesday, October 11th, 2016

 

Former Minnesota Twins batboy Timmy Tanner captured in undated photo unleashing primal howl as he prepares to rip the arms off an unauthorized clubhouse visitor.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN (The Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) –Barry Bonds isn’t the only one making steroids-related news.

Two seasons ago they began popping out of dugouts everywhere, the oversized heads, rippling biceps and barrel chests, their post-adolescent faces a moonscape of angry red acne. Suddenly, batboys were getting huge. HUGE! But few noticed.

Last summer, a batboy with the Minnesota Twins punched a hole in a wall and broke every light in the clubhouse with a vintage Tony Oliva bat – a textbook case of roid rage, but the story received little national coverage. With all attention focused on alleged player use of banned substances, batboys juiced under the radar, some swelling to Bunyan-esque proportions – many dwarfing the major leaguers they were paid to serve.

“Timmy Tanner was a skinny kid, an eager-beaver type,” said the Minnesota Twins’ All-star  catcher Joe Mauer when asked to describe the former Twins batboy now under investigation. “Then one day I’m sitting in the clubhouse with a crossword puzzle, and I ask no one in particular, hey, what’s another word for anabolic steroid?” (more…)