Posts Tagged ‘Minnesota Vikings’

Popular Deity Christ Still Hoping to Attend Live Game Featuring Tim Tebow

Tuesday, July 21st, 2015


Hail Mary? Not exactly. But Jesus Christ apparently has a long time love for the game of football.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) According to Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Tim Tebow, his landing in the City of Brotherly Love has been commandeered by Christian deity Jesus Christ.

“It’s really Jesus at the wheel, or in the case, under center.” a smiling Tebow said. “He’s kind of doing things remotely. Fortunately, we’re both signed up with Verizon®.”

Christ hopes to attend a Eagles game this year. (more…)

MNF Recap: Drum and Bugle Corps Drummer Takes Awkwardly Long Solo During National Anthem

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2014

  EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Monday Night Football always has it’s share of crazy moments, and an interception with :39 seconds left to set up a game winning field goal in the Miami Dolphins 16-13 win over the New York Jets, certainly qualifies. But that wasn’t the big story. Prior to the game however, Delvin Force, First Drummer and Director of the Steele Drum and Bugle Corps, decided to take an excruciatingly long solo after the first stanza of the Star Spangled Banner. Force had written the arrangement of the National Anthem, so that a three bar drum solo (approximately eight seconds) would “wow” the crowd. However, he got carried away, and his almost four minute self indulgent polyrhythmic juggernaut nearly caused a riot. (more…)

Tony Romo Gets “Steaming Pile of Poo” Post Game Award; Shares It With Team

Monday, December 16th, 2013

Shit Winnin’ Grin. Tony Romo shares the steaming pile with his team.

DALLAS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) After witnessing a Philadelphia Eagles thumping at the hands of the Minnesota Vikings early Sunday afternoon, the Dallas Cowboys were poised to move to the front of a weak NFC East.  It appeared they would do just that in the first half when they took a commanding 26-3 lead over the Green Bay Packers into the locker room. However, in a last minute script change Hollywood style, the Pack came roaring back stealing a victory in the final seconds, 37-36.

Immediately after the game, the team handed their “Steaming Pile of Poo” award to quarterback Tony Romo who threw a critical interception, setting up the Green Bay miracle.

“Once again, I’ve skillfully snatched bitter defeat from the clutches of triumph as only I know how.” said the veteran pass thrower holding the fabled cutting board piled high with the vaporous, fetid fecal matter of several unnamed linemen. “But to stand here today and not share this with each and every one of my teammates and coaches, would be unthinkable.”  (more…)

Favre Inks Deal with Hallmark for Lovely “Bulge in Pants” Greeting Card Line

Friday, October 15th, 2010

Hi There. Brett does the greeting business a big Favre-or.

MINNEAPOLIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre parlayed controversy into opportunity yesterday when it was announced he signed a deal with Hallmark, the greeting card company. Terms were not disclosed.

Hallmark, founded in 1910, manufactures nearly half of the greeting cards sold and sent in the United States and has taken steps in recent years to provide more edgy products in a competitive industry.

Favre is currently under investigation for alleged misconduct. Accusations of sending photos of his penis to Jenn Sterger, an actress and model, who once hosted New York Jets Gameday, have swirled around the 41 year old pass thrower. But Favre refused to sit idly by and had his agent contact Hallmark with the idea. (more…)