Posts Tagged ‘NCAA.’

A TSD Classique: After Humiliating Loss, Quasimodo to Return to Notre Dame to Play Hunchback

Thursday, October 6th, 2016

Hunch Break. Quasimodo mugs for camera as the Fightin’ Irish break during a recent summer practice.

SOUTH BEND, IN (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Apparently even a 42-14 pounding in a title game isn’t enough to keep this team down.  First there was Rudy, the inspiring story of an against-all-odds player making the Fightin’ Irish football team; now this. Quasimodo, the famed bell ringing Hunchback of Notre Dame will return to the school from where he was banned 182 years ago in an attempt to make the football team in 2013.

A towering figure in Victor Hugo’s literary masterwork The Hunchback of Notre Dame, from 1831, Quasimodo, a hideous malformed hunchback, was mostly associated with Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris as the church‘s chief bell ringer. But, unbeknownst to most people, he did appear in two scrimmages for Notre Dame University during the late 1800’s when the team was then known as “The Catholics” instead of the Fightin’ Irish, which became the official team name in 1927. (more…)


Fan Brings Baseball Glove to NCAA Tourney in Hopes of Snagging Foul Basketball

Monday, March 23rd, 2015

Hoop, There It Is? No. The bizarre Cornelius Blake came up empty.

CLEVELAND (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Wichita State’s dynamic run to the Sweet Sixteen has been special, but Cornelius Blake, one of the school’s freshmen, and math major was getting all the attention.

Blake received awkward stares when he brought his first baseman’s glove to the game in the hopes off snagging an errant basketball in the stands. He was seated in row F, seat 12 in section 110. “I had some good looks at a couple of balls, but I went home empty handed,” the bespectacled frosh quipped in what may be the most dazzling double entendre of the entire tournament. “I was disappointed — let’s just leave it at that.” (more…)


NCAA: Tenn Vols in Violation After Uncle/Booster Buys Justin Worley Birthday Dinner

Friday, August 23rd, 2013
ribs

Rib Injury. This might be the most expensive dinner in Tennessee history.

KNOXVILLE (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The NCAA has been gathering evidence for nearly nine months, but feels confident stinging sanctions are in the future for the University of Tennessee’s football program.

According to reports, Junior quarterback Justin Worley joined his uncle, Dan Worley, as well as two cousins, for dinner at Calhoun’s on the River in Knoxville last November 20th.

“A casual dinner of this sort seems typical and nothing out of the ordinary.” said NCAA spokesperson, Nathan Lawrence. “But, unfortunately for Justin Worley, his uncle also just happens to be a Tennessee football booster. So buying him anything is a no-no. It’s a violation of the first order, and we’re pursuing this matter.”  (more…)


Louisville’s Kevin Ware Breaks Up in Twelve Separate Pieces; Vows Comeback

Monday, April 8th, 2013
Duke vs. Louisville

Ware Am I? Kevin Ware is dealing with a lot more than a fractured tibia.

ATLANTA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) After his horrific leg injury on March 31st against the Duke Blue Devils, Louisville Cardinals guard, Kevin Ware plans on cheering on his team as they play the Michigan Wolverines for the NCAA Men’s Basketball Division I National Championship.

Sadly for Ware, his body has now fallen apart into twelve pieces scattered over a 1,200 square foot area.

“Yeah, my neck is over there, my arms are in the bushes, my torso is out in the grass, and what not.” said Ware. “I’d like to walk this off, but my legs are on the roof.”  (more…)


Sportsman’s Daily Staying With Tradition; Will Issue NCAA Bracket Picks Immediately After Tournament Ends

Friday, March 15th, 2013

No Fool in the Office Pool. TSD refuses to get caught up in the bracket hysteria and says it won’t issue it’s bracket until after tourney time.

BOCA RATON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Sportsman’s Daily has announced today it will wait on filling out and issuing its NCAA brackets until after the tournament has ended.

“There’s a lot of uncertainty and lack of confidence around the world right now,” said TSD legal team member Howard Plotnick. “We think it wouldn’t be prudent to add to the global hysteria with inaccurate or irresponsible prognosticating. We realize there are some, perhaps in the traditional sports reporting outlets, who might suggest we’re hedging our bets, but I assure you, our interests are for our fans.” (more…)


Calipari’s One Fan Throws Party After NCAA Championship

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012

Party Time. Clark Ziffle bubbling over with excitement.

LEXINGTON, KY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Clark Ziffle, 31, president of the John Calipari Fan Club, held a party in honor of the Kentucky men’s basketball program’s head coach, after the Wildcats defeated the Kansas Jayhawks 67-59 for the National Championship Monday night.

“It was wild.” said Ziffle, a paralegal at the Clausen, Starks, and Resnick Law Firm. “After the win, I plastered a homemade, life size drawing of Coach on the wall, opened a six pack of El Presidente, put on some Steely Dan and really whooped it up. I think I heard Mr. Fields downstairs in B-11 to tell me to turn it down.” (more…)


Sportsman’s Daily Staying With Tradition; Will Issue NCAA Bracket Picks Immediately After Tournament Ends

Monday, March 29th, 2010

No Fool in the Office Pool. TSD refuses to get caught up in the bracket hysteria and says it won’t issue it’s bracket until after tourney time.

BOCA RATON, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Sportsman’s Daily has announced today it will wait on filling out and issuing its NCAA brackets until after the tournament has ended.

“There’s a lot of uncertainty and lack of confidence around the world right now,” said TSD legal team member Howard Plotnick. “We think it wouldn’t be prudent to add to the global hysteria with inaccurate or irresponsible prognosticating. We realize there are some, perhaps in the traditional sports reporting outlets, who might suggest we’re hedging our bets, but I assure you, our interests are for you fans.” (more…)


Juilliard to Add Football Program in 2011; Renowned Cellist Yo-Yo Ma to Lead Search Committee for Head Coach

Thursday, February 11th, 2010
uilliard freshman Gunther Paulsson displays "game face" before taking the field for intra-campus exhibition football game. Paulsson plans on trying out for a position on the team's offensive line, where his heft, booming baritone and heroic golden pigtails are best suited.

Juilliard freshman Gunther Paulsson displays “game face” before taking the field for intra-campus exhibition football game. Paulsson plans on trying out for a position on the team’s offensive line, where his heft, booming baritone and heroic golden pigtails are best suited.


NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service)— If you can knock out two flawless etudes, break off a dazzling solo and nail a representative sampling of standard orchestral excerpts – all under the withering scrutiny of the school’s famously demanding faculty — you stand a chance of playing Juilliard football in the fall of 2011. With more musical prodigies per square inch than perhaps anywhere else on earth, Juilliard is the last place one would expect to have a football program. But in just two years, the fabled Juilliard campus will fill with the sounds of Chopin, Mozart and the violent cacophony of helmets colliding in ¾ time. (more…)


Quasimodo Returns to Notre Dame to Play at Hunchback

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

 

Famed French Literary Character Has One Year of Eligibility

 

"Quasy" or "Hunch" puts his stamp on the classic "Statue of Liberty Play."

"Quasy" or "Hunch" puts his stamp on the classic "Statue of Liberty Play."

 

 

SOUTH BEND, IN (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — First there was Rudy, the inspiring story of an against-all-odds player making the Fightin’ Irish football team; now this. Quasimodo, the famed bell ringing Hunchback of Notre Dame will return to the school from where he was banned 177 years ago in an attempt to make the football team in 2009.

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Shave and a Haircut: Two Bets!

Friday, April 24th, 2009
Shave This! It even shaves points!

Shave This! It even shaves points!

Ahh, point shaving.  Don’t you love it?  Does anything shock us anymore?  CBS Sports.com tell us about a Toledo Rockets point shaving scandal. What? I’m supposed to be surprised?

If you want purity in sports, go watch a stick ball game, or shoot some hoops in your driveway. The second you put “organized” in organized sports, it’s instantly compromised — from a Little League father beating up his son’s coach, to laying bets on Junior High School girl’s basketball games? Think I’m kidding? I know a group of guys who did it regularly back home in Pennsylvania. Junior High School girls basketball games.

What kind of degenerate bets on Junior High School girls basketball games?

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