Posts Tagged ‘nfl draft’

NFL Draft: Jets Select Calvin Pryor and Large Piece of Driftwood

Friday, May 9th, 2014

NFL Drift. This piece of driftwood might set a new standard in the league this year.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Needing help in many areas, and with the 18th pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the New York Jets selected Louisville Free Safety, Calvin Pryor. They also traded up to select a twelve foot wide piece of driftwood.

“The piece of driftwood wasn’t even on the board, so, yeah, we were a little surprised,” said CBS Sports NFL analyst, Pete Prisco. “But when you break it down, it starts to make sense. This is a very large piece of driftwood, and if properly placed can wreak havoc on the running game. I can see some speedy backs having a tough time trying to elude this thing. I see it laying down a real hurtin’.” (more…)

Lions Select Nickelback in NFL Draft

Friday, April 27th, 2012

Nickel For Your Thoughts. Lions fans are probably thinking a lot about this selection.

DETROIT (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Detroit Lions have certainly improved over the past couple of seasons, which has a catch 22 effect, their selection position in the 2012 NFL Draft.

“We wanted to something to send a ripple effect throughout the entire league,” said Lions General Manager Martin Mayhew. “Granted, it’s a bit unorthodox, but people will remember us for this. Personally, I think it will define my legacy.”

With the 23rd pick in the draft, the Lions selected Canadian rock group, Nickelback. (more…)

Brady Quinn Falls to 22nd Pick; Angry QB Blasts Critics with Passive Aggressive Sarcasm

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

A Draft Day Flashback from TSD  Classique.

Notre Dame Quarterback Brady Quinn was not smiling during or after his embarrassing tumble in the NFL draft. Quinn's understated sarcasm prompted hostility from the assembled press corps. While many will tolerate passive-aggressive behavior from their wives, they were not about to tolerate it from a soon-to-be fabulously wealthy NFL quarterback who, until that point, never had a bad day in his young life.

NEW YORK, NY (The Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) – The longest first round in NFL draft history lasted 6 hours and 8 minutes. To Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn, a projected top ten pick who tumbled to number 22, it felt like an eternity. Several hours after the draft, a bitterly disappointed Quinn continued to lash out at the “twenty NFL teams that obviously think I suck.”

As the first day of the draft inched forward, it became painfully clear that Quinn, celebrated for his on-field exploits and matinee idol looks, was in for a long and highly humiliating day. The Notre Dame star appeared disappointed but not devastated when the Browns, his favorite team growing up, used the third pick to select someone not named Brady Quinn. He was confident he’d hear his name called within the next six picks. But when the Dolphins confounded the experts by using the ninth pick to select someone other than the Fighting Irish quarterback, Quinn could barely conceal his shock – which soon turned to horror as he realized that none of the next several teams – Houston, SF, Buffalo and St. Louis – needed a quarterback. (more…)

A Sportman’s Daily SPORTSWATCH: NFL Draft Addict is Dead; Overloads Brain with Too Much Information

Monday, April 27th, 2009
Losing His Head. Lenny Crabtree thought too much about Draft Day. This was the result.

Losing His Head. Lenny Crabtree thought too much about Draft Day. This was the result.

BOWIE, MD (Special to Sportsman’s Daily) Lenny Crabtree, the 27 year old computer programmer who locked himself in his media room since Friday evening is dead.  He collapsed at 2:09 PM EDT after trying to micro-analyze every single draft pick in the 2009 NFL Draft.

“He was a terrific guy,” said Carol Crabtree, his wife of two years. “Admittedly, he hated my cooking and never ate much except for several cans of SPAM® which he started stockpiling this morning. He always joked that I must have run my recipes through a deflavorizing machine. He wanted pizza last night, and I guess I thought boiling was the best way to make it.”


A Sportman’s Daily SPORTSWATCH: NFL Draft Addict Begins Stockpiling Weapons.

Monday, April 27th, 2009
Explosive quickness. That's all Lenny Crabtree is focused on as he slowly descends into insanity.

Explosive quickness. That's all Lenny Crabtree is focused on as he slowly descends into insanity.

BOWIE, MD (Special to Sportsman’s Daily) The ongoing saga of Lenny Crabtree continues.  The 27 year old computer programmer hasn’t left his apartment since Friday watching continuing coverage of NFL draft analysis and listening to sports radio.  According to his wife Carol, he has now begun stockpiling weapons.

“I believe he’s got a butcher’s knife, a World War Two surplus grenade, and some SPAM®,” she said. “I’m just glad he’s decided to eat something – like perhaps the SPAM®. He doesn’t care much for my cooking.”

TSD will continue to track this story throughout the day.

A Sportman’s Daily SPORTSWATCH: Man Can’t Pull Himself Away from NFL Draft Analysis; Family and Co-Workers Concerned

Monday, April 27th, 2009
Draft Analysis. Lenny Crabtree contemplates the 161st pick in the NFL Draft.

Draft Analysis. Lenny Crabtree contemplates the 161st pick in the NFL Draft.

The Sportsman’s Daily is keeping a close eye on Lenny Crabtree of Bowie, Maryland. He has been holed up in his apartment since late Friday night, when he was following pre-draft predictions until now analyzing every move every NFL team has made.

According to his wife Carol, the 27 year old Crabtree, a computer programmer, hasn’t showered or even eaten since early Saturday morning and says only grunts and screams of “no” and “stupid assholes” have been heard.

TSD will be tracking his worsening condition throughout the day.

Mel Kiper’s Dickipedia Entry

Friday, April 24th, 2009

It’s’s version of wikipedia, if wikipedia limited its coverage to “dicks. ”  While they do not define what exactly warrants a dickopedia entry, the first sentence in Mel Kiper’s entry pretty much gets the message across:  Mel Kiper, Jr. (born July 25, 1960) is an ESPN analyst for the NFL draft, huge football nerd, and a dick.

mel-kiperThis is what they have under “Education”:  While attending Essex Community College in Baltimore, Kiper decided to become the kind of dick that runs an obnoxious business while they are in school. Thus, he founded Kiper Enterprises, a modestly named draft information company. While this business was less dickish than, say, stealing an idea for a future million dollar corporation and claiming the idea was your own, it is still more obnoxious than selling “Major League Beer Pong” T-shirts to freshmen.,_Jr.

It’s gonna be a long weekend.